Page 107 of Save Me

There it is, that we again.

My heart races. Does he mean we could be some sort of…what? Couple?

The last time I became a couple with someone, I almost died. And then he died.

I look for somewhere to go, but there isn’t anywhere. Dim light from the closed curtains filters into our small space, and the relentless feelings in my chest build.

I need to get out. To breathe.

I stalk to the bathroom, where I have to push Minky gently out of the way and shut the door.

In there, the feeling of being trapped builds. What am I doing? Playing house? As if that was ever a safe option.

Glancing in the mirror, I catch a glimpse of my face. It’s haggard, with dark circles under my eyes even though all I do is lie in bed.

Then, there’s movement behind me in the shower.

It’s Arthur. He’s leaning against the shower wall, smirking.

Arthur. My heart races, jackhammering in my chest, and for a moment I want to run. What is Arthur doing here? He’s not here. He can’t be. He’s dead.

Arthur lunges for me.

I don’t think, I just turn around and throw a fist into his face.

Only, my fist doesn’t hit anything until it does, smashing into the shower wall with a bang. I whirl, looking for where he could have gone.

Arthur isn’t there.

“Are you okay?” Micah’s panicked voice asks.

I stare, heaving. Fuck this wall. Fuck this place. Fuck everything. I’m going crazy.

“Mads?” Micah is at the door now.

“Fine,” I say. I don’t want him to see me like this. Why does he care?

I turn to see Minky shivering on the other side of the room like he’s afraid of me. Grief punches me in the chest, and I drop to my knees.

“Mads, please, let me in,” Micah says. He’s pleading with a note of genuine terror in his voice, which spikes my heart rate. He’s not going to leave me alone.

Fine, fine, fucking fine. I rip the bathroom door open. “See! I’m fine.”

Micah steps inside. “Your hand.”

I glance down. My knuckles are split open.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

The worst thing is that there is genuine concern in his voice. I don’t deserve that concern.

Tears make my throat tight. Horrifying, weak tears.

“I thought I saw…” I stop myself. Because saying I saw Arthur will absolutely get me landed in the loony bin. And I’m not crazy.

At least, I don’t think I am.

“I’m fine,” I snap.