Page 110 of Lucky 14

My face gets hot, and I clear my throat. I have to be honest. People who have gone through trauma are excellent at sniffing out lies. “I’m–I was a therapist. I make a living helping people.”

Kyan keeps looking for a while, and his gaze narrows. “A shrink, huh? Gonna tell me what’s wrong with me?”

Not a snowball’s chance in hell. That would get the old Holli killed, and Oakley, too. I need Fourteen.

I just arch my eyebrow. “Are you paying?”

There’s a moment of stillness, then Kyan barks out a laugh, going back to tossing the vape. “No, I don’t suppose I am. Unless you accept orgasms.”

I nearly choke. Kyan, Wyatt—the body they share is hot. The kind of hot I wouldn’t mind fucking around with. But fucking around always leads to feelings for me. And that can’t happen here.

I realize I have to respond or I’ll lose the rapport I’ve started building. I shrug, rubbing my palms on my knees. “You’d better have a good explanation for your insurance when they cut you that payback check.”

Kyan laughs fully now, turning to face me head-on, eyes sparkling. “I’ll accept orgasms from them, too. I’m not picky.”

He winks at me, but I immediately see through it. I’ve seen it before in some of my past clients. It’s a detached sort of…longing, concealed in a blase attitude.

Kyan uses sex as a weapon of sorts. A smoking gun that keeps everyone six feet away while he gets to go around and use that fun to cover up anything he might be feeling.

So then why is he making lovey-eyes at Oakley? Oakley—as is everyone—is far from perfect, and he’ll blast that ‘fun’ feeling right out of the water. Doesn’t that defeat Kyan’s game? If it does, does that make Oakley dangerous for the reason Kyan exists? If Kyan isn’t around to protect the other alters from the bad feelings…what will happen if they come out and can actually feel them?

Kyan shrugs. “You want dinner? I can make you dinner before your shower.”

I get a shower too? The relief knowing that I can shower for the second time in…how many days? Suddenly, all I want is to get under that hot water and let it wash everything away.

Kyan is still waiting, so I nod. When he moves to the kitchen, I let out a sigh of relief. I watch as he slips the gun out of the back of his waistband and puts it on top of the fridge.

That conversation may have been more dangerous than spending a night alone in the woods, and I’ve learned valuable information. One, that Kyan has a deep wound he tries very hard to cover up, and two, that he has no idea that he’s in a system.

And it has to stay that way.

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

Day 9

It takes me the whole shower and another jacking off session to process what just happened.

Holli kissed me. She touched me. While Ky watched.

I stifle a groan, trying to dry off without touching my dick, which is hard again. What is wrong with me? This is so fucked up. This isn’t how you’re supposed to get into a relationship with someone. With…two people?

I’m drying my hair when I stop, the black towel falling in front of my face.

Relationship?

My stomach plummets. They haven’t said anything about a relationship. I was the one who assumed that.

I grip the fluffy towel.

Of course I assumed that. Of course I did. Fuck, I always do this. Meet someone and immediately grow attached. Friendship, relationship, doesn’t matter. Then they leave, and I get hurt.

My gut twists with how much I want them. Kyan and Holli. Both of them. And immediately, I rip the towel off my head.

Don’t be stupid, Oakley. Two people? You can’t get even one person to like you, let alone two? Plus, they haven’t even said that’s what they want.

That familiar feeling twists inside me, and I stare at myself in the mirror. Impulsively, all I want to do is start reviewing the behaviors I’ve seen from them, noting anything that suggests they wanted to be with me. They would want to, right? Maybe if I put purple in my hair like Ky wants? If I apologize enough to Holli for getting her into this situation? Do anything she wants?

The smell of cedar swirls through the bathroom, pulling me back into reality. It smells like Kyan. It makes me relax for a second, and when I’m relaxed, I realize how my entire body is tense with anxiety. How my stomach feels like ice, and how it feels like there’s a dark cloud behind me, screaming that I’ll never be good enough.