Page 176 of Liberating Lily

“Of course I’m here for you. Why else would I be here? Lily, why did you take off the way you did? Why did you leave without waiting for me, or at least leaving me a note? Why haven’t you called?”

Guilt filled her and she didn’t know what to say to him. How did she explain everything that had happened? How did she explain her mindset or the fact that she hadn’t been able to call because of the guilt?

Because she knew she shouldn’t have run off the way that she had. It had been immature and stupid.

“I don’t . . .” She rubbed at her temple. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Do you know how worried I’ve been about you? I haven’t been able to sleep. I didn’t know if you had any money, if you had any way of getting around. I didn’t know where you were sleeping, if you were eating. If it wasn’t for Clem, I’d still be worrying about you.”

“Clem? What about Clem?”

“When you went missing, I called your sister and asked her to tell me if you turned up here. Yesterday, she called and let me know you were here.”

“She never told me!” Was that why she’d taken off in a rush to get feed? Because she’d known Harvey was on his way?

“I got on the first flight I could find and got myself here. Lily, why did you run off like that?”

“Because you deserve better than me, Harvey.”

“Why do you say that? Because of what my sister and her friend said? Are you really going to let other people dictate what I want, what I need, what I deserve? Or are you going to let me decide that for myself? Do I seem like the type of person who doesn’t know what he wants and needs?”

“No, you don’t,” she whispered.

Oh God. What had she done?

“That’s right, I don’t. I know my own mind. And have you forgotten that I was the one who decided I wanted you, and did whatever I had to in order to make it happen?”

Yeah, she had kind of forgotten that for a moment, hadn’t she?

“Don’t you think that if I decided you were too much work or that you weren’t what I wanted, that I would tell you, like an adult?”

“I thought maybe you felt sorry for me.”

“Lily St. Clary,” he said with a stern look. “Felt sorry for you? Why would I feel sorry for you?”

“You don’t feel sorry for me after everything I’ve been through?”

“Of course I do. I’d feel sorry for anybody who’s been through something like you have, but that doesn’t mean that I would take them into my house, look after them, sleep next to them, kiss them, cuddle them, feed them, wash them, and hold their hair while they vomited, does it?”

A tear dripped down her face. Oh my God, she’d made a terrible mistake.

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Do you think I would do that for anyone who I didn’t love, that I didn’t want in my life permanently?”

“No.” This time she let out a small sob. “I’m so sorry, Harvey,” she said. “I made a big mistake, didn’t I?”

“You shouldn’t have left, Lily. Not like that.”

“I know. I wasn’t thinking. I was so stupid. Why did I leave like that? I heard them talking, and everything they said seemed to reinforce every negative thought I’d had. I just felt so wrong. Not worthy of you. Not worthy of anyone, really. And I just couldn’t stay there in that house anymore. I thought if I left it would be best for you. That you could move on without me.”

So dumb. What had she been thinking?

“Only thing is that I didn’t want to move on, Lily.”

What did she say to that?

“Did you jump off the balcony of the bedroom?” he asked, wiping the tears from her eyes with his thumbs.