Page 124 of The Villains of Winter

Most fox sparrows mated for life, staying together as they returned to the same nest, year after year. Fox sparrows were Elliott’s favorite bird. Fox sparrows were good omens.

Earlier in his life, James Wilde believed very little in spirituality, but he would’ve taken any offering of hope that he could’ve then.

“Did I ruin everything with you?” James heard himself ask him.

“Nothing is ruined between us.”

Then let me be with you. Did he leave the state too frequently? Was his grief for his childhood friend too great a burden?

A desperate bid for Elliott arose within him. “‘When love speaks, the voice of all the gods make heaven drowsy with harmony.[23]’ Romantic thoughts of you keep me awake at night, Elliott, leaving me dizzyingly enchanted with desire for you.” James felt a stirring in his chest that refused reason, defied sense. He felt his heart begin to beat thickly. “I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in life. I want to be with you. I experience divinity when I am with you.”

He was about to say it out loud at last. He was prepared to confess everything within him.

Please do not forsake me. Please do not let there be another that has taken my place. Please do not reject me.

“I love you, Elliott Archway.” He was in love with him. He couldn’t deny himself of it from the first second he’d felt it that first week of June.

The madness welcomed him irresistibly, and James was lost with rapture.

He didn’t want his better judgment to retrieve him. He wanted to remain in the wilderness of lust, euphoria, and ecstasy. Taken with Elliott.

When he was apart from him, all he thought of was him.

His moments with Elliott that dreamy early summer had been the best of his life, better than all the years in the past that he cherished with him before. Those moments in June were his halcyon days, even though in the moments themselves James hadn’t realized it. He hadn’t realized that he should’ve captured it in his memory. He should’ve treasured it close to his chest in photographs, written letters, and keepsakes.

He should’ve realized there were loves that span lifetimes and his fate wasn’t one of them.

He learned through Finch how fleeting life was.

Though, in truth, even if he knew his fate was shortened, he would’ve dared still.

He gazed at Elliott passionately. “I love you fiercely, Elliott. I am completely undone whenever I am with you. I love you helplessly.” The words spilled out of him, inhibited for too long, flooding and drowning Elliott in words. Yet his words were not even the full weight of his internal self. I love you enchantedly. All I want is for you to want me. All I want is for you to love me as you always have. I am sorry for all the tragedy I’ve brought unto you. I will be sorry for as long as I live.

Please do not forsake me.

Anxiously, James waited in the silence for Elliott to respond to his confession. What if Elliott hadn’t deciphered that part of himself with men yet? What if he wanted someone else? What if in the week he was gone he’d let someone usurp him?

He was lost with ardency when Elliott kissed him.

Elliott kissed him impassionately.

“I love you past the stars, James,” Elliott whispered. “I will love you for all of time.”

Through his star charts, Elliott knew the furthest star in modern discovery was Earendel, which was billions of light-years in the distance, and he loved James past that distance still.

James felt an infatuated intensity for Elliott that couldn’t be appeased or reasoned with. It was all he knew. His mismatched eyes that smiled at him left him senselessly intoxicated as it always hads.

James Wilde didn’t care to restrain himself anymore.

Slowly, James slid his hand into Elliott’s shirt, nipping his ear. He grazed over the soft skin, lifting the short-sleeve carefully, caressing his palm over his abdomen.

Elliott inhaled silently. “Are you sure…after Finch?”

“I feel at peace now.” He has been avenged. He can rest in honor at last.

James skimmed his palm over Elliott’s navel, leaving a damp trail of sweat until he reached the hem of his boxers. It’d been well over a month since the last time Elliott had released. His member must’ve been riotously sensitive, because Elliott grasped James’s hair, pulling him closer.

Beneath his palm, James felt Elliott harden against him. The sound of Elliott’s quiet moans aroused him past the brink of sanity, and a flash of surprise went through James as Elliott reversed their position.