Page 53 of A Tale of Mirth & Magic

“You have feelings about me? For me?”

I squirmed a little, suddenly feeling far too hot.

“I suppose. I mean, yes. I do.” Barra’s breath hitched a bit, and I rushed out, “I care about you. And when I realized it… honestly, I think I just freaked out a bit. Growing up the way I did, never truly feeling like I was wanted by my parents, by anyone—”

I let out a shaky breath, feeling uncomfortably exposed, and he squeezed me tighter. After a few moments, I went on, “I’m starting to realize how much it kind of fucked me up. You know, they forgot my birthday three years in a row? Three. I know they never planned to have a kid. They both are so obsessed with their work, it’s like nothing else exists. But I—I existed. They made me exist, and then it was like they just… couldn’t be bothered with me. And I remember so desperately wanting their love. It was like this constant belly pain that wouldn’t go away.

“As I grew up, I found that the only thing that worked was to pretend it wasn’t there. I didn’t need them. I didn’t need anyone else in that town. And once I left, after a relationship mishap or two, I decided that I also didn’t need anyone else I met. I was enough, and I was happiest on my own. That’s what I told myself, over and over until I believed it.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, pressing into his warmth. “It was so wonderful not to feel horrible all the time anymore. Freeing. And I have loved my life on the road, truly. Parts of it anyway.” Swallowing hard, I tried to rally my nerve. “But I shouldn’t have pushed you away. That’s not what I want. It’s not your fault I had shitty parents and a crappy childhood. And I—I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

Barra’s lips brushed the top of my head. I could almost feel him thinking. Quietly, his voice a reassuring rumble, he said, “I care about you too, El. So much.”

I smiled against his chest, blinking pesky tears away. “Well, good. That’s settled, then. We care about each other. And I’d rather we stay together for the foreseeable future. Until you need to return home.” My mouth tasted bitter as I formed the word “home,” picturing him being welcomed joyfully back by his mothers and sisters. But I scraped that feeling away and focused on him here, now.

“I’d like that,” he murmured against my hair. “And I’m sorry too—I should have waited. Given you more time to think. Now that I know… it makes sense. But in the moment, it had really seemed like you just didn’t want me around anymore. Except to fuck. Which is a dynamic I know isn’t healthy for me.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” I said quietly, snuggling closer into him. We lay there for long minutes, just breathing, taking comfort in being together again. This felt so perfect, I almost wished we could stay here by the lake, wrapped in each other’s arms, and doze peacefully all day.

On the other hand…

“But now that we’re talking and being all emotionally mature and everything…” I said coyly, shifting my hips slightly closer to him. “We could still have sex. If we wanted… right?”

I could feel his limbs tense, his cock harden against me. His warm, low chuckle rumbled through me again. In answer, Barra slipped one of his thick thighs between mine and nudged up my skirt a bit.

Rising on one elbow, he stroked my cheek, then dipped down to kiss me. His lips were soft and full, and something unclenched in me when I felt them press against mine again. He kissed me not urgently, not frantically, like how I’d tried to claim his mouth a few hours ago—but relaxed and slow, letting us explore each other.

A kiss that calmed my heart but also sped up my pulse, saying “there’s no rush” and “yes, yes, yes.”

Barra pulled me on top of him. I let out a surprised laugh and pressed a dozen quick kisses over his face and neck. My legs spread, slipping to either side of him. The blanket had fallen away long ago. But I didn’t feel cold anymore.

It was still a beautiful day, golden afternoon light now sparkling over the lake’s surface. Crickets were beginning to chirp their music, joining the gentle sounds of wind in the distant trees and waves lapping the shore. Everything was peaceful, soft. The fresh scents of crushed grass beneath us and the pear juice I spilled earlier touched my nose. I dipped down into Barra’s neck and inhaled, replacing the aromas with his smoky minty musk that I loved.

“Are you… smelling me?” he asked with a smile, one hand stroking my upper back. His other reached under the folds of his coat that I was still wearing, tracing his fingertips along the sensitive skin of my side.

“Maybe,” I said, sniffing again. “You just always smell amazing.”

Looking embarrassed, he pulled a small tin out of a jacket pocket and opened it. It was half full of little green leaves.

“Mint!” I plucked one out and rubbed it between my fingers. “So that’s your secret.”

“I chew them often. A habit I picked up as a child when some folks in town were… less than kind about my presence at first.” He picked up a leaf too, twirling it. “I suppose I became a bit paranoid. About how I smelled, looked, talked, walked—everything.”

“It’s hard to feel comfortable when it seems like everyone is watching and judging you,” I said gently.

“Yes. It is.” Barra placed the leaf back into the tin and tucked it away. “It’s one of my habits that’s hard to break.”

“Well, I love it. And if your worst qualities are that you’re self-conscious and addicted to mint—”

“—and have some intimacy issues,” he added.

I rolled my eyes. “Who doesn’t? Same, apparently. But if that’s the worst, I’ll take it in a heartbeat.”

Barra watched me with that warm, unguarded look that almost made me want to squirm away. But I wasn’t going anywhere this time, and neither was he.

He gently tugged me down to him again. Bending, I pressed all my twisty, fuzzy feelings into his lips. I shrugged out of his coat, letting it fall. Deepening the kiss, he ran both hands over me, palms trailing fire wherever they touched.

Barra broke away for a moment, both of us panting with need. His eyes were dark, pupils blown. Holding my hips on both sides like I was a life buoy and he had fallen overboard, he gripped me tight and tugged up toward his head.