Page 50 of A Tale of Mirth & Magic

“If your sister hadn’t paid Felsith and his brother off, we’d be coming for you too, giant. So just stay out of our way before you make things worse for yourself. And your family.” He flipped the knife in the air and gripped it tight, dirty fingers wrapping around the hilt. It was a jagged, ugly thing, and I watched it uneasily, trying not to let my confident mask slip.

“What are you talking about? Why would my sister—” I broke off. Oh. That’s why the bounty hunters have only been after Elikki and not me. My family must have gotten wind of what happened somehow and paid to keep me safe. I felt a wave of gratitude toward them. I don’t know how they found out so fast, but I was relieved to have them watching my back.

At the same time, guilt and worry warred together. I really was responsible for hurting Felsith, even if he was a slimeball. My family shouldn’t have to clean up my messes for me. I almost thought I should go back now and make things right. This could affect my family’s reputation, maybe even our business. Our livelihood.

But Elikki—she had no one watching her back. She didn’t have anyone to keep her safe and pay off the bad guys. But how would this play out in the long run? She’d evade capture long enough to get far from this area? A three-silver bounty wasn’t enough to keep folks’ interest for long.

All of this raced through my mind in moments as Shifty Eyes and I glared at each other across the sharp tips of our blades. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw String Bean rooting around for his weapon, looking a bit flummoxed. I refocused on his partner.

One of us had to make a move. I still couldn’t see El from where I was, but if I could get between them and the lake, I could try to maneuver the men away from here and back up to the main road.

I braced myself. “Last chance. Turn back now,” I said, forcing menace into my voice. “I don’t want to hurt you. Are your lives really worth a few coins?”

String Bean gulped, but Shifty Eyes seemed to harden. “You know nothing about our lives, dickhead.” With that, he raised his other hand—when had a dagger slipped into that one?—and flung it toward me.

I dipped down in the saddle, digging my heels in Pebble’s sides hard. She leaped forward. The dagger whistled past my ear, and we charged in between their horses, pushing them apart. I swung my sword at Shifty Eyes, intentionally pulling short so that I didn’t hit him. While I didn’t love that he’d just tried to stab me, I wasn’t going to hurt anyone today.

If I didn’t have to, at least.

Cursing, he threw himself to the other side of his horse to avoid my long blade, losing his balance and falling most of the way out of his saddle.

I felt a ripping flash of pain in my left arm and cried out, but didn’t stop. We were through—I pulled Pebble around to block off the path and we began to corral the bounty hunters’ weak, submissive horses forward toward the main road.

Shifty Eyes was still trying to right himself in the saddle, made harder by his horse’s movements. His partner seemed shocked at his own actions. Looking from his bloody knife back to my arm that he’d slashed haphazardly, String Bean gaped, skin going pale under the dirt that lined his face.

The three of us flooded back out onto the main road. I cut a long slender branch from a nearby tree with my sword. Though I hated to hurt an innocent animal, if I flicked their horses’ flanks with this they’d be galloping away for a long time before these fools could get them back under control.

Testing the bend of the branch, I fixed both men with my best attempt at a furious glare.

“Listen, mate, I’m really sorry!” String Bean said, holding his hands up in the air. “It was an accident. Didn’t mean to stab you.”

“Don’t apologize to ’im, you idiot! We’re bounty hunters! Doin’ what has to be done.” His partner had finally regained his seat, pushing his oily hair out of his beet-red face.

“I never even wanted to be a bounty hunter, Stan! This was all your idea!”

Shifty Eyes huffed and turned to his partner. “Well, we wouldn’t hafta resort to this if you hadn’t gambled away our LIFE SAVINGS, Ronald!”

Ronald looked abashed for a moment, but quickly fired back, “Oh and I suppose all your floozies at the tavern paid for their own drink and rooms! That deffffinitely had nothhhhing to do with our empty money chest.” He waved his arms about, and a bloody drop from the knife flung onto my forehead. Great.

“For the love of the goddess, how many more times must I apologize! For! The! FLOOZIES!?” Stan yelled, waving his own knife in the air. “I promised you it wouldn’t happen again, and I haven’t touched anyone since!”

Tears forming in his eyes, Ronald yelled back, “Try once, you beast! Just one authentic, SINCERE apology would be nice.”

Stan stared at him for a long beat and then dropped his head with a long, deep sigh.

“Uh, guys—” I cut in, “maybe—the knives—how about putting them away now?”

Ronald looked at the glistening weapon still in his hand, as if surprised to see it again. “Oh, ick, gross.” He flung it over his shoulder into the woods, then wiped his hands on already grimy trousers.

Stan sheathed his own blade. Taking another deep breath, he said, “Yer right. Yer both right. I’m sorry. I dunno what I’m even doin’ anymore.

“Love, I’m so sorry about the floozies. The men. The women. The men and women together, and all the orgies we had while you were home waiting for me to return. It was wrong, so wrong, and it will never happen again.”

Ronald pressed one hand to his chest, tears spilling over. He nodded frantically at Stan. “Oh, darling. That’s all I wanted to hear. I can forgive you. As long as you can forgive me for losing all that coin on the turtle races. And for selling your lucky gold teeth to pay off the debt collectors. And for losing our house when I tried the races again to win them back.”

Stan smiled back at him. “Of course, Ronny. Of course I forgive you.”

In the silence as they gazed lovingly into each other’s eyes, I coughed.