Page 70 of The Secret to Belonging

the pain

the poorly executed attempts at love

leave you blowing your nose into paper napkins

offered by the kindest, most compassionate man

you can imagine in any hemisphere

you wipe your eyes

take deep breaths

simultaneously gutted

and cleansed

the first time you and Espen

make love

it’s afternoon in his apartment

two weeks before winter solstice

the sun is dormant

the sky dark lavender

he’s finished skate practice

and is taking a shower

you are reading on the sofa

you hear the water shut off

and you know you’re ready

you walk to the bathroom door

see him standing there

you’ve been naked together before

but never gone all the way

he knows you’re a virgin

you smile

pull your sweater over your head

unbutton your jeans

take his surprised hand and pull him

into the bedroom