Page 18 of The Secret to Belonging

you go back to the office

switch on Mr. Hewitt’s electric typewriter

(he always types and numbers new titles

for the binder under the counter

the men who rent porn know to ask for The Binder

they request the movies by number, not name

the tapes are stored in black cases under the counter

everything’s under the counter)

you slide the scholarship application

into the typewriter and center the page

Why do you want to be an international exchange student?

you want to type that

your family is a shitshow

your parents are in debt

the only thing you looked forward to was college but college isn’t an option anymore

you have to get out of your house

you have to get away from your family

you need distance from the craziness or you’re afraid the craziness will consume you and you’ll be sucked down into it and disappear

instead, you type that

You have lived your entire life in the same house, in the same town, in the same country. As you approach your senior year in high school, you are ready for new horizons and new challenges. Being an exchange student will expose you to enriching experiences and opportunities. It will help prepare you for college and to better participate in your democracy as a well-traveled, compassionate, and informed citizen.

How will you overcome the challenges of being away from home and living in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language fluently?

you want to type that

the home where you live now is a foreign country

the inhabitants speak a language you cannot decipher or interpret

you are left silenced and exhausted from the effort of coexisting

you will harness the skills and resources you have been wasting living as an alien in hostile territory to create new sources of strength and resilience

Instead, you type that

You look forward to navigating the challenges of learning a new culture and language. You will call upon the resilience you’ve built over three years of French classes and three seasons playing varsity tennis to overcome any obstacles you might face. You will employ your resources, both from within Rotary and from your host family and school, to ensure you do not struggle alone. You will use the opportunity to build the skills you will need to succeed abroad, in college, and beyond.

it feels strange to write about yourself

as if you have a life worth writing about