Page 13 of The Secret to Belonging

but you knock on the gym’s double doors

Carmela, the custodian, pushes the breaker bar

lets you in

this is not unusual

she knows you

in the locker room

you change and brush your teeth

you put on headphones

pop Pat Benatar into your Sony Walkman

Treat Me Right blares in your brain

you grab a basket of tennis balls

head to the courts

the sun is up

you jog in place

pulling your knees higher with each step

your feet hit the earth in time to the music

you sidestep fast along the baseline

stay on the balls of your feet

bend your knees

you grip a tennis ball

your muscles are warm and loose

when you serve an ace into the opposite court

you visualize smashing your brother’s face

you know from the Alateen brochures

you’re supposed to “hate the disease”

not hate the person who’s “sick”

but you don’t

you hate him

your parents have sacrificed

everything for your brother