Page 80 of Dark Night of the Soul

I stayed where I was, watching her, remembering Spain, and wondering if we’d ever get back to that almost-kiss.

She stirred. A sigh in her sleep. But no nightmares. That was progress.

Her eyes blinked open. For a long moment, she focused on me. Then pulled her legs away and sat up.

“Have you been there all night?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

She dragged her fingers through her tangled hair. She looked like she wanted to ask why but didn’t. Instead, she got up, moved away into the kitchen, leaving me sitting there with a heavy weight pressing through me.

She started coffee, then trudged through to bathroom. Minutes later, the shower came on.

I couldn’t sit here all day and think about the past. Especially a past that was long gone. I needed air. Outside, I walked the perimeter. But this place was so remote, I doubted there was any real threat other than a feral squirrel.

By the time I got back inside, she was sitting at the table with a half-empty mug in front of her and expectation lighting her eyes. I knew that look.

I stopped, keeping the distance between us.

“I want to try something today.”

Dread coiled in my chest. Whatever she was about to propose, I wasn’t going to like it.

Warily, I said, “What is that?”

“I want you to move fast toward me. I want to see if I can control it.”

“We tried yesterday.”

“Not really,” she said. “That was a test. I want to try again. But make it count.”

“You mean you want me to trigger you,” I said.

“Yes,” she said with a nod. “But for real this time.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” Her face creased in frustration.

Why not? Did she want me to break her? Because I could, easily.

“I think you know the answer to that.”

She was undeterred. “I want to try.”

I heaved a sigh. “Anna—”

“It’s the only way I’m going to learn,” she interrupted. “It’s the only way we can—”

She cut herself off, exhaled sharply and pressed her lips together, peering down into her mug.

“The only way we can what?”

She waved it away, not wanting to say it. Then changed the subject. “I need to know if I have any control at all. Right now, it feels like I don’t. And I hate it.”

She said the last with such vehemence, it didn’t sound like her at all. But I understood. She was used to being in control. Even with her Godlight, she’d always been in control.