Page 63 of The Beat Match

“Or the most revolting.”

“So is living in this disaster you call an apartment. Do you ever clean up?”

Annie laughed. Wes had said as much and worse, about a hundred and one times. “It’s tidier than you think. I know where everything is.”

Vivian glanced around placidly. “If you say so. But back to our heart-to-heart and your current dilemma. Are you angry at Wes for what he did? Is that why you haven’t called him?”

Annie replayed her last five days, including her worst moment huddled on her shower floor, crying onto her bent knees. “I don’t blame Wes for what happened. He wasn’t trying to hurt Leo. He couldn’t have known what would happen. I blame lax gun laws and those assholes who used violence to settle a grudge.”

“So what’s holding you back from him?”

Annie had asked herself that question daily and had come up empty each time. Sitting here with a friend, her truth no longer bottled up, clarity slowly settled. “I think I needed time to grieve. I refused to cry as a kid. Aside from the night Wes told me Leo was gone, I kept my shit together. Come hell or high water, I was determined to survive, and I guess survival to me meant squashing my feelings, which is the exact opposite of what will happen with Wes. I’ll probably break down again when we finally talk, which is exhausting, so there’s that. But I also don’t want him to think I’m weak. I’m always worried he thinks of me as a charity case.”

“Weak? You’re a freaking Amazonian Warrior.”

Annie flexed her arm and poked at her pathetic biceps. “Hardly.”

Vivian tossed an embroidered pillow at Annie’s face. “Don’t make me hurt you. Crying isn’t weakness. Refusing to get help, which includes talking about your issues, is weakness. We’re all human and fallible. Including your man. You need to talk to him, especially since you’re the first person he’s ever had a sleepover with. Those are not the actions of a man who thinks you’re charity. My guess is he’s going nuts with worry.”

Annie’s heart ached at the thought, and Vivian was right: crying in front of Wes would make her stronger, not weaker. Her concerns about him seeing her through pity goggles were her insecurities, not his. She’d been choosing safety over vulnerability, wasting more of her life when she should be living boldly, like Leo would have wanted.

She leaned forward and squeezed Vivian’s hand. “Thanks for coming over…and putting up with my stonewalling since we met.”

Vivian returned the affectionate squeeze. “Not a problem, especially since I need free DJ services for Sarah’s upcoming birthday party.”

“I don’t think my skills are party ready yet, but my teacher, Julio, might be free.”

They chatted about the prospective event and the regular customers at work who drove them batty, easy conversation that made Annie feel like a functioning human. Vivian hugged her tightly when she left, after making Annie promise she’d call Wes.

She was ready to face him now. Embrace everything about him, including the fact that real closeness meant letting him see her at her worst. But he deserved more than a phone call. She picked up her cell and dialed his secretary.

“Aldrich Pharma, this is Marjory.”

“Hey, Marjory, it’s Annie.”

“Well, thank God for that. Please tell me you two have kissed and made up.”

Annie chewed on her nail. “He told you about us?”

“That man keeps his personal life as secured as the Federal Reserve Bank, but he’s loved you since you sprouted boobs. Any idiot can see it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Marjory had always been observant and candid, but the boob comment was pushing it.

“Someone around here has to be honest. And let me rephrase: he’s been denying the fact that he’s loved you since you sprouted boobs, especially to himself. And you’ve been just as blind. Which happens to the best of us, and I’d normally leave you both to your own devices. I was fine letting you get there in your own time, but I’ve never seen Weston like this. Whatever happened between the two of you, it’s killing him.”

Annie clutched her hand to her heart. “Is he there now?”

“He’s been here every minute of every day, thinking he can work himself hard enough to forget you. He’s here so much he brings his rabbit to the office. The rabbit, Annie. Do you hear what I’m saying?”

He was spiraling because of her. Because he believed his lies about Leo had ruined any chance at a future together. “I’m on my way,” Annie said.

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20

Weston massaged his temple as he analyzed the spreadsheet on his computer. Dollars going out. More funding needed. Investors with cold feet. A new project that required him to write a detailed business plan. All in a day’s work, but wrangling his brain on target was a losing battle. Work was supposed to be the one place where he could shut out the world. Forget the bad. Bury it under numbers and spreadsheets until he looked up at the end of the day and couldn’t remember what time it was or if he’d eaten dinner.

No longer.