Page 93 of The Tartan Thesis

“Well, if you like him and want to date him, it’s time to speak up, and you need to figure out how before he disappears into his books and manuscripts forever.”

I shed my coat when I get home and drop onto the couch, head tipping back against the cushions.

Maeve’s right. I need to do something to make things clear for Torin. He’s skittish, but I can’t let things go on like this. I can’t keep circling, waiting for something to shift on its own. Torin isn’t built that way. He needs things to be precise, defined—something he can trust, something he can hold onto.

It probably hasn’t helped that I’ve been hot and cold with him, always worrying that I’ve taken things too far, that he might pull away. I’ve been here before. Pretty much every other guy has run after a kiss—or after more intimate activities—and I wouldn’t be able to take it if Torin ran.

I’d hoped that by backing off between physical acts that he’d see this isn’t some fleeting fancy, that he’d realize my overwhelming interest in him without me having to say the words out loud. But here we are.

Or rather, here I am. Alone. On my couch. Again.

I sigh and reach for my phone, hoping The Pigeons will have some wisdom for me. If anyone’s going to have an opinion, it’s them. They’re up-to-date about everything, but we all have some form of ADHD and are easily sidetracked, so I text them about my discussion with Maeve, about the whole mess, and hit Send before I overthink it, dropping the phone onto my chest as I stare up at the ceiling.

A chime lets me know they’re already texting back.

Lucas

First, let me say that you deserve a relationship with someone who will love you wholeheartedly and won’t make you guess about their feelings.

Juliana

agree

Lucas

Second, based on everything you’ve said, I think Torin can do that. He just needs to know that it’s ok to be that person for you.

Juliana

agree again

Beau

We’ve come a long way from “fuck that guy,” haven’t we?

Juliana

yes he’s had quite the redemption arc

Beau

So what do I do? We see each other a lot, but it’s always at the gym or at school. I’ve asked if he wants to grab a smoothie after our workouts, but we’re both so busy, and it never happens.

Beau

Do I sound whiney rn? I feel whiney.

Lucas

Yes, pumpkin. You do sound a smidge whiney, but I think the situation merits a little whine time.

Juliana

why isn’t it wine time here yet?

Lucas

Wine does sound good.