Page 6 of The Tartan Thesis

“Oh we can do better than that, I think,” he says in a clipped Lowland accent. “Good morning!” he repeats, louder this time.

I always cringe when someone insists on doing this, but I join in with the rest of the crowd, loudly if not enthusiastically, to say good morning back so we can get on with it.

Thankfully, the rest of the morning passes without incident. Various administrators provide overviews of the basics: libraries and research centers, technology access and accounts, financial matters, and academic integrity.

The afternoon consists of a series of dull but painless activities, such as campus tours, a lecture on combatting imposter syndrome, and having our photos taken for our university IDs. Then the only thing left is a welcome reception with our academic departments, which doesn’t start for an hour. I find a bench in a quiet courtyard and check my messages. There’s one from my sister.

Freya

Good luck today! Proud of you! No matter what other people say about you.

I smile and skip over her insult.

Torin

Thanks, Frey. Almost done with orientation.

Freya

That sounds boring af

Torin

No no, it was a blast seeing the stern look on some administrator’s face when she told us about the zero tolerance policy for academic dishonesty.

Freya

Edinburgh University doesn’t tolerate plagiarism? Groundbreaking…

Torin

I know. How will I ever get my work done if I can’t steal it from someone else?

Freya

Truly, you’ve never been the sharpest pencil in the case… You’ll probably be expelled by Christmas

Torin

Can’t wait.

Freya

But really, you’re brilliant

Freya

Can’t wait to see what you do next

Freya

Love!

Torin

Thanks. Love.

I appreciate Freya’s faith in me, but far more people get PhDs than there are positions available, especially in the humanities.