Page 30 of The Tartan Thesis

“I hate you so much,” he tells me as he does another.

“You can keep on hating me while you push out two more, big guy.”

After plenty more swearing and insults, Torin joins me at the lighter weights for some arm work and a chat.

“How did you learn to do all this, anyway?” he asks between sets.

“I bought a personal training manual when I was fourteen and studied it cover to cover. Watched YouTube videos. Tried it all out. Talked to other guys at the gym. Basically just taught myself.” My watch beeps. “Next set, let’s go.”

He picks up the dumbbells with a groan and starts his curls while I count reps on my fingers so I can keep talking.

“So you just decided one day when you were fourteen that you wanted to be a bodybuilder?” he asks. “Out of the blue?”

“No,” I say and hesitate. I don’t love talking about this part, but we’re getting to know one another, so I keep going. “I was bullied a lot when I was a kid, so I started working out because I figured if I was big enough, no one would mess with me, even if I was the guy that everyone thought was gay.”

“People thought you were gay?” he asks, seeming surprised, which is confusing. I tilt my head and watch his clueless expression until it clicks: he doesn’t know.

“Torin,” I say, “I am gay.”

One of the dumbbells slips out of his hand. He yelps and jumps back right before it can crush his foot, causing him to drop the other one. It hits the mat with a thud as he stumbles sideways into me. I grab his shoulders to steady him, enjoying the feel of his toned body against mine. Then I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. The look on his face is almost as comical as the little jumping routine he just performed.

I tilt my head again. “You really didn’t know I was gay?”

“No!” he says, eyes wide. “I thought you just dressed well!”

That breaks the dam. I laugh so hard I have to sit down.

“What?” he asks, incredulous. “Maybe it’s the accent or the muscles or the confidence or how Maeve fawns over you like she’s your girlfriend, but no. I had no idea.” His eyes sweep over me again, like he’s questioning everything about me now.

“Maeve knows I’m gay,” I say, catching my breath. “Besides, she’s nice to everyone.”

“She does seem pretty great,” he acknowledges.

An awkward silence follows, and I watch as Torin processes this new reality.

“Would you have been nicer to me if you’d known I was gay?” I ask.

He thinks for a second. “Probably not. But knowing you dealt with so much bullying might have made me stop and think about it more. I guess I looked at you and assumed you’d never had a hard day in your life.”

“No, I’ve had my fair share like everyone else,” I say, composing myself but still grinning.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” he asks, sounding defensive.

“I’m out and proud, but you avoided me until yesterday,” I say with a shrug, “and it’s never come up in our limited interactions.”

“Huh,” he says. He’s looking at me with curiosity now, eyes narrowed.

“Out with it,” I say, waving a hand to hurry him along. “I can tell something’s still bothering you. What is it?”

He hesitates before saying, “It just seems like you would’ve mentioned a boyfriend or something by now.”

My stomach knots up in an instant. “I’ve never brought up a boyfriend because I don’t have one,” I say with a sigh. “I’ve never had one.” Then I add, softer now, “I’ve never made it past a second date.”

He seems even more shocked now. “Seriously? Look at you! If you can’t get a man, what hope is there for the rest of us?”

“Torin, please look in a mirror,” I say, my eyes sweeping up and down his body again. “You’ve only mentioned one ex-boyfriend—no need to try to hide that kind of thing from me in the future, by the way—but you look like that.”

He blushes. “I’m too focused on my studies to bother with relationships right now,” he says. “Besides, my body isn’t half as good as yours.”