Page 21 of The Star in Room 7

I can guess what he was going to say: more than he’s told me.

“No. That’s not to say we didn’t experiment when we were figuring out our sexuality. But, no, we never dated. It was never an option. Not for Kurt.”

“Because of his dad?”

I nod and tighten my grip on the steering wheel. “I’m lucky that my parents weren’t bigoted.” I risk a sideways glance. “Are you lucky?”

He takes a deep breath. “Yes. My family’s great in that respect. But… Other than them and a few friends back home, I’m in the closet.”

I’m glad he felt able to tell me that himself.

He’s silent for a moment. “I thought it would be easier to get roles if I kept it to myself. I don’t… I… I guess that makes me a coward, huh?”

“I think who you’re attracted to is nobody’s business but your own. For every out gay actor there is, there’s at least a dozen more who keep their sexuality to themselves. That’s not cowardice, Zach. It’s pragmatism.”

Too many of the ones who are out didn’t step out of the closet because they wanted to, but because some idiot reporter decided a scoop was more important than someone’s privacy, forcing them to either confirm or deny the rumors. I keep the thought to myself. Something has freaked Zach out. He doesn’t need the worry of eventually being outed added to that. Besides, he likely already knows it could happen. The more famous he gets, the harder it’ll be to keep his private life private. Some stars manage it, even some of the biggest A-listers, but sadly, it’s not the reality for most.

He doesn’t reply. Instead, he sings softly, and more tunefully than I ever could, to the music.

“You’ve got a good voice,” I say.

“I have a passable voice. The drama club I went to as a kid gave us all singing and dancing lessons. The idea was that we’d all be triple threats if we wanted to be.”

“Good for musical theatre.”

He chuckles. “Yeah. My voice is nowhere near that good. Besides, I prefer performing in front of a camera. It’s more forgiving. Stage acting is a lot more stressful. You have to get it right every time. And while you can’t mess up too often when you’re filming, there is more leeway. And who doesn’t love a bloopers reel? They make good marketing, especially after a film is out.”

“Good DVD content, too.”

“I don’t own a single DVD. I stream everything I want to watch.”

“Are you trying to make me feel old?”

“You’re not that much older than me.”

“Old enough that I have a decent DVD collection. We’re here.”

I pull into the trailhead parking. As I expected, there are no other cars here. I’d usually hit this trail closer to seven than nine.

“Do you want a gentle jog, or something more intense?” I ask, once we’re out of the car and stretching.

“Start gently to warm up and see how it goes?”

“Sounds good to me.”

We finish stretching. I give Zach one of the two water bottles I threw in the car this morning, and then we set off at a gentle pace, as requested. Hopefully, he’ll keep chatting to me. He’s already a lot more talkative than he was yesterday.

“Yesterday, you said that Kurt was the reason you got into kink,” Zach asks after a while.

I swig from my water bottle without losing pace. “Yes.”

“Would you tell me about it?”

If talking about myself helps him open up, I’m happy to. “I was angry and upset for a long time after Kurt died. I started working out, took up boxing, learnt to surf, anything that either made me feel stronger or more alive. But, as I got older, I realized I needed more. I needed something more… I don’t know. Productive’s not the right word. Constructive?” I pause to navigate a rough, steep stretch of the trail. I’m still breathless when I start talking again. “I ended up at a kink club on a dare, but it turned out to be the best thing I ever did.”

“Have you always been a Daddy?”

“No. I started as a submissive.”