Page 34 of Taking His Heart

Anger wants to rise to the surface. I tamp it down. Now is not the time to be angry. She doesn’t need that kind of reaction from me. No matter how fucking mad I am at this situation.

“You will end up hating being trapped in a marriage with me. One day, you’ll decide you want a family, and I won’t be able to give you that,” she says. “I’m doing us both a favor by preventing that day from coming.”

I stand and walk around my desk. “Let me get this right… You think that because you can’t have a child, naturally—which we’re circling back to soon by the way—that I would love you less? That I would want you less?”

“Maybe not right now. But eventually, when you realize you won’t have kids with me, you will. You are a family man, CJ. I know you and I know you’re going to want children.”

“No,” I grunt. “You don’t get to make that decision for me, Daniella. That should have been my choice to make and you just left. You left, making me think I fucked up. You left and made me think that I wasn’t enough for you. Instead of just fucking talking to me like an adult and figuring this out together… You. Left.”

“You were always so good to me, CJ. Too good. I never deserved you and I’m sorry I can’t be the person you need me to be,” she says.

“You’re not getting it, darling. I don’t need you to be anyone but who you are,” I tell her. “I mean, you could work on those communication skills a bit. But other than that, I’ve always loved you, just the way you are.”

“You didn’t know this big secret I had, though, CJ. You can’t possibly love me still, knowing how damaged I am.”

These words from her break my fucking heart. She thinks she’s damaged or not whole because she can’t have kids. How long has she been carrying this shit around?

“Dani, you are not damaged,” I tell her. “You not being able to have children doesn’t make you any less of a woman. How long have you known?”

“I was nineteen. That scar on my lower abdomen I told you was just a little surgery to fix some lady issues… I had a hysterectomy.”

“You should have told me, Dani. We’ve wasted years on a theory you’re wrong about.” I sigh. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, but you not being able to carry a child doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”

“I want you to have everything in life, CJ, and as much as I wanted to be the one to give that to you, I can’t.”

“Do you want kids, Dani?”

“I don’t get that option, but you do.”

“I’m asking: Do you want kids?”

“Yes.”

“Then we will find a way to make sure you get them. It’s the twenty-first century, darling. There are many ways for us to have a family without you having to carry a child yourself.”

“It’s not the same,” she whispers.

“It’s the same result. Different cooking method but same result, Dani.” I run a hand through my hair. I want to reach out, grab hold of her, and press her against me. But this conversation is long overdue, and I know I’m not going to be able to get through to her right now. I have to try, though. “You are what I want. You are what I’ve always wanted and you know that. But I’m not going to stand here and try to convince you or force you into a relationship with me. You either want me or you don’t, Dani. It’s that simple. At the end of the day, you are the only one getting in the way of our happy ending.”

“I want you, CJ. I’ve always wanted you. I’ve been in love with you since I was too young to even realize what love was. I just don’t want to wake up one day and see resentment in your eyes, regret that you got stuck with me.”

“Did you see anyone after your surgery?”

“What do you mean?”

“A shrink? Counseling? Did you get help after your surgery?” I ask her, because she really has far deeper self-worth issues than I initially thought. She truly doesn’t believe she’s worthy of being loved.

“I never told anyone.” She shakes her head. “I lied to everyone, my family, you. I only just told my parents yesterday. I think that’s why my father is pushing for this marriage deal thing, because he knows I won’t go after what I want myself.”

And now the conversations with her father make sense. He was never going to auction her off to some Don back home. He wanted a reaction out of me. He wanted me to choose her. He wanted me to go after her. I heard her tell him she wanted me. I should have stuck around to listen to the rest of that conversation.

“I want you, CJ,” she says quietly. “I love you.”

“Then let yourself have me, Dani.”

Chapter Sixteen

Let yourself have me. CJ’s words ring loud through my mind. As if it’s that easy. Just let myself have him. I want to. More than anything, I want to.