Page 39 of Something Borrowed

They were tidying their tea dishes away when Vic had to ask—she couldn’t help herself. “If I hadn’t apologized today, had chickened out . . . What would you have done?”

Madeline looked bemused. “Done?” Her dimples showed. “Well, nothing, of course. What could I do? You’re in charge of you—but we wouldn’t be enemies or anything. I’d still want you to eat, just not at my table.”

Vic gaped. “Madeline Hart, you did not just quote Tupac at me!”

Madeline burst out laughing. “I had to, Vic. You’re taking your little freak out far too seriously.”

“It’s a great quote—and attitude,” Gwen said, “but who’s Tupac?”

Chapter 20

Vic slept soundly Thursday night but woke early Friday morning to go to the washroom and couldn’t fall back asleep because her brain was buzzing. She put on slippers to muffle her tread on the stairs and hopefully avoid waking Audra, then slipped down to the kitchen to make coffee. While it was brewing, she gathered felt pens and a sheet of blank paper. She was going to continue what she’d started.

Sipping coffee in the living room, she contemplated the empty sheet. Then she realized she was in danger of overthinking and not writing anything at all. She would write the biggest things weighing on her right now, and that would be enough. She could always modify them later.

TOP PRIORITIES

1. Rebuild (build!) a closer relationship with Michael

2. Find ways to stop compulsive behavior (and build them into my days as prevention)

3. Figure out who I am and pursue things that make me happy (like working at Second Chance Shop)

4. Get my own place (can still help Audra but distance will be good for both of us)

It felt a bit juvenile to even have to make this kind of list and have it be so . . . simple, but she needed it, so there it was. She created a frame of flowering vines for the list and drew tiny birds here and there among the leaves. And then she bit her lip and half smiled, feeling shy even though she was alone. Why not?

She added:

5. Start painting or doing art again, regularly

What hadn’t made her list didn’t even occur to her until she re-read it a third time. There was no “develop a romantic relationship” or “start dating again.” It hadn’t entered her head.

Interesting.

“Message received,” Vic whispered and pulled her phone out of her bathrobe pocket. She knew she’d already said it wouldn’t be a date, but she didn’t trust herself.

“Hey Cal,” she texted. “Change of plans for tonight, sorry. It’s best if I don’t come over.”

She thought a bit more and felt bad. She’d really been extra hot and cold with the poor guy. He probably thought he’d done something and that wasn’t fair.

“The old it’s not you, it’s me line is definitely true,” she added. “I have to fix some stuff in my life. I wish I’d figured that out before I made things weird. Wishing you all good things.”

She stared at her phone for a long moment after hitting the final send. She didn’t regret it, but it was unusual for her not to respond with interest to someone who expressed interest.

Devil rolled her eyes. Classic Vic. You finally meet someone who might be decent, and for the first time in your life, you don’t just run into his arms, begging him to put them around you.

Angel’s whisper, on the other hand, and the feelings her words invoked, were so foreign that Vic had a hard time believing they came from her own head. I’m proud of you.

Chapter 21

Cal’s phone buzzed with a text alert, then another. He groaned and rolled over on Carrie’s pull-out sofa bed. It was so early. He could definitely use another half hour of sleep—

Oh, right. Awareness hit groggily. He was at Carrie’s house, so it wouldn’t be her texting.

He felt around in the near-dark for his phone and finally found it.

Vic. So eager to make sure she didn’t have to see him again that she’d messaged before the crack of dawn.