Page 63 of Silk and Sensibility

Meilin wrapped her arms around herself, not daring to touch the silk strings. Her mistakes were too serious to be forgotten so easily. Ailin might have been able to solve the issue of Magistrate Gao, but that didn’t mean Meilin’s folly was absolved. She had so much more penance to perform before she could finally forgive herself.

Ailin eventually left the room, letting Meilin think in silence. While she wasn’t ready to move on yet, maybe one day she could—if she learned from and helped her sister as much as possible.

Over the next few weeks, Meilin tried harder to reduce Ailin’s burden. Every day, she rose at the same time as Ailin and made herself eat, even though food was still flavorless. When Ailin painted, Meilin ground her ink and washed her brushes. Lately, Ailin was focused on painting mountains. Her style reminded Meilin of Father’s work, except Ailin paid greater attention to detail, and she painted women as well as men. Some of the women were weavers and embroiderers working in secluded mountaintop studios. Some looked like immortal fairies floating among clouds. Ailin was obviously pushing herself to paint not only the familiar but also scenes from her imagination. Her work was stunning, and Meilin was glad to bask in her reflected light.

Even though she herself was a disappointment, her sister was a success. For that, Meilin was grateful. It meant that when Mama’s letters came from Suzhou to check on how they were doing, she could write back with glowing news about Ailin while remaining quiet about herself. She had been selfish and naive for too long. It was time to change.

Spring gradually warmed the city.

During dinner one evening, Uncle Meng beamed as he raised his cup, treating it as if it was filled with wine instead of tea.

“I have news of great import. As of this afternoon, Tai and I finished paying all the taxes required by the imperial government this year. Thanks to everyone’s efforts, we gathered enough to send to Beijing without raising rent on any tenants.”

Cheers erupted among the family members. Grand­mother Jiang and Madame Cai both praised their sons-in-law. Master Pang filled Madame Pang’s bowl with food as she smiled. Shen Lusi, ever eager to please, poured tea. The challenge of imperial taxes had lasted for months, and now that it was taken care of, there was only one matter of business left.

“Does this mean we have time to tackle personal matters?” Shen Lusi asked after the celebratory hum wound down.

Madame Pang patted Shen Lusi’s hand gently. “Our little Lusi has been waiting patiently for the family elders to approach the Fan family about a formal betrothal.”

Meilin’s tea turned bitter on her tongue. Shen Lusi’s plans had been put off because of the more pressing issue of taxes and Magistrate Gao, but now there were no more reasons to delay. Meilin glanced at Ailin beside her.

As recently as a month ago, she might have grown impatient with Ailin for staying quiet instead of fighting for her happiness, but now she willed herself to trust her sister’s judgment. Though Ailin hadn’t told her the details of her last interaction with Enze, Meilin guessed that she had reasons for ending things the way she did. Ailin might still be suffering in secret, but Meilin respected her decision.

Grand­mother Jiang chimed in from across the table. “I was hoping that young Enze would have brought Madame Fan to deliver a proposal letter by now, but I suppose that can’t be helped. With how busy we’ve been, it would have been impossible to receive them properly. Tomorrow seems as good a day as any to visit the Fan house. What do you all think?”

Meilin tried to imitate Ailin’s serene exterior, but inside she felt cold. Tomorrow seemed very soon.

When Shen Lusi expressed excitement over Grand­mother Jiang’s plan, the old lady smiled.

“Now that we’ve decided on a date, shall we decide who will go on the visit? Since the eldest member of the Fan family is a woman, we should make sure our party consists only of women as well. I propose that I take Ailin with Lusi while everyone else stays home.”

Meilin looked at her sister in horror. Knowing Shen Lusi was proposing to Enze was bad enough, but having to witness the proposal in person? She could only imagine how terrible Ailin must feel. Her own experience of finding out about Wei Luobi and Miss Gao was painful, but Enze was a better man, so to lose him must hurt deeper.

“Is there a particular reason Miss Duan needs to come, Grand­mother Jiang?” Shen Lusi asked. “She must be so busy now that she is painting for Madame Qiu and all the other fine ladies of Hangzhou.”

Shen Lusi’s nervousness was perhaps the only satisfying part of the conversation. The girl sounded like she was intimidated by Ailin’s presence. Good. That meant she knew who Enze really loved.

“This situation is unique,” Grand­mother Jiang explained as she set down her teacup. “Since Ailin’s brother is married to Enze’s sister, that makes them somewhat related. Since we have never met Madame Fan before, I think it’s only appropriate to have a relative introduce us, don’t you agree?”

Meilin didn’t know if she agreed with Grand­mother Jiang’s reasoning, but Ailin and Shen Lusi both nodded, so she resolved not to intervene. She was probably being excluded from this visit because her presence was still a reminder of shame. Her opinion didn’t matter anyway.

As she looked at Ailin again, her uneasiness returned. Her sister sat tall in her chair, as noble as a queen, showing no outward signs of distress, but she had been hiding her emotions for so long that surely they were building inside of her. Meilin wondered when Ailin’s feelings would overflow. Or, perhaps, Ailin was strong enough that she would always be able to keep her love a secret. Only time would tell.

愛而不得情依舊，發奮努力搏前程。

Though it still pains me that I won’t be the man by your side, I realize that rejecting me was the best thing for you. Even if you don’t love me, I hope my choices earn your respect. If I am respectable in your eyes, then all the pain will be worth it.

—Unsent letter from Fan Enze to Duan Ailin

Chapter 25

Ailin

Once upon a time, the Fan residence must have been luxurious. Its wide front gate and high walls preserved the memory of the family’s glorious past, but the chipped plaster and flaking whitewash told a different story in the present. Ailin had to think creatively to imagine what her brother Junyou might have seen when he went to propose marriage to Fulan.

Fan Ruoze opened the gate, and he smiled when he saw them. “You honor us with your presence, Grand­mother Jiang. It’s lovely to see you again, Miss Shen and Miss Duan. Please come in.”

As the young man led them inside, he explained that Enze was currently tutoring Master Huang but would be home shortly. He seemed to understand the purpose of their visit without being told. “Allow me to find my mother while we wait for my brother.”