Page 33 of Silk and Sensibility

Ailin rubbed her temples. On a purely philosophical level, Meilin was right. Ailin couldn’t expect Meilin to control her heart when she couldn’t control her own. However, Mother already approved of Enze, and he was working to pass the imperial exams and convince his family to accept Ailin. In all their efforts, they were trying to remain respectful to authority. Ailin would not have misgivings about Meilin falling in love if Meilin could promise to be more cautious.

The real conversation they needed was too complicated for this moment. Even thinking about it gave Ailin a headache, because she knew Meilin would argue back. Ailin chose an easier route instead.

“You’re right,” she said. “How about we get back to painting?”

突如其來的變化令我不知所措，

深感愧疚，甚至不敢祈求妳的原諒。

Something terrible has happened. It’s all my fault. I can’t even begin to beg for your forgiveness, but please know that I feel the deepest shame and regret for the storm coming your way. I’m sorry, Ailin. I am so, so sorry.

—Unsent letter from Fan Enze to Duan Ailin

Chapter 12

Meilin

The tension between Meilin and Ailin stemmed from the fact that Ailin was naturally close-lipped and often unfairly judged anyone who differed from her. She was the kind of older sister who would do anything for her family, but who was often wrong in her assessment of them. Ailin thought Meilin was reckless, and that was not true at all.

Meilin devoted serious consideration to her opinions. If she didn’t like Captain Bai, she was never going to change her mind about him just because those around her told her that his biggest flaws could be overlooked. And if she liked Master Wei, she was not going to hide her feelings just because he was a writer who had not yet inherited a fortune.

She conscientiously thought about Master Wei as she and Begonia reviewed her outfit choices for dinner. They laid out two different ǎoqún blouse-and-skirt combinations on Meilin’s bed.

“The pale-green ǎo always makes your skin look good,” Begonia said, pointing to the ensemble on the left. Meilin wore it frequently because the loose, wraparound collar was so comfortable. But it felt too ordinary to express how excited she was about tonight’s dinner party.

“But the yellow skirt that pairs with it is too short to cover my shoes. Master Wei is coming tonight, and I don’t want to draw attention to my big feet.”

“Is that a problem? You’re beautiful and ladylike in other ways.”

Meilin brushed off Begonia’s words of comfort. Servants were not expected to have dainty feet the way that daughters of scholarly families were. Even the Jiang women, whose ancestors were merchants, had bound feet, making Meilin’s look worse.

“I heard that Aunt Meng’s sister arrived at the mansion today with her husband and niece. Do you know anything about them?” she asked, changing the topic.

Begonia was happy to gossip, and she eagerly shared everything she had heard about Batong Mansion’s newest guests. Aunt Meng’s sister was a younger half-sister by a concubine, but Aunt Meng doted on her as if she was a full sister. She was called Madame Pang because she had married a man called Master Pang who, like Uncle Meng, was a zhuìxù and lived with his wife’s family. The niece who came with them was Master Pang’s sister’s youngest daughter, a penniless orphan near Meilin’s age.

The inundation of information was difficult for Meilin to remember, but her question had diverted the conversation for long enough that she felt comfortable asking Begonia about fashion choices again.

Meilin pulled the pink ǎo with the high mandarin collar off the bed. “Is this one too loud, or do you think it’s all right?”

“It looks great on you.” Begonia straightened a blue mǎmiàn skirt embroidered with intricate swirling clouds by Mama. “These two pair nicely, and the skirt is plenty long. We should remember your gold chāi too. That was the hairpin that brought you and Master Wei together, right?”

Warmth bloomed in Meilin’s stomach as she sat down at her vanity. She opened the lacquered jewelry box on the table and selected the two-pronged chāi pin. The goldwork shined as beautifully as it had on the day Father and Mama had given it to her. Like real gold that never tarnished, Meilin would never compromise on her ideals—especially when it came to love and marriage.

Meilin searched for Master Wei as she walked with her family into the garden leading to the main dining room, but he was nowhere in sight.

Ming­ming promptly ran to the corner of the garden, where their younger cousins were building a snowman out of the snow that had accumulated during the afternoon. Next to a leafless tree on the side of the garden stood Uncle Meng, chatting with a spindly man she assumed was Master Pang.

Captain Bai stood next to the other men, and for once, he had no military gear on him, not even a trace of armor, and the dark-blue silk robes he wore made him look almost like a gentleman. It was strange to see him dressed so elegantly. Was it because he wanted to show respect to the new guests, or was he trying to impress someone?

When the captain glanced in her direction, Meilin hurriedly looked away. Goodness. She certainly hoped he was not trying to impress her. He ought to pay more attention to his child than a woman who would never be moved by him, no matter how carefully he dressed.

Unfortunately, Meilin found herself being pulled in his direction by Ailin, who was following Mama to greet Uncle Meng.

“Xiuyun, allow me to introduce my brother-in-law, Pang Tai,” Uncle Meng said to Mama. “Tai married Chunwan’s younger sister, Xiatian, last year, and they are visiting from Hangzhou for family business.”

Because Mama joined them, Meilin and Ailin had to stay several minutes to listen to their conversation about taxes. Meilin tried to stay politely attentive, but she would have struggled to take interest in the topic even if she wasn’t actively trying to avoid Captain Bai or look for Master Wei. She was almost grateful when some squeals and shrieks from the children interrupted the conversation.

Her two youngest cousins, Treasure and Fortune, began throwing snow at each other, hitting Uncle Meng in the process. The men rushed to stop the little ones before they could injure themselves, and Meilin took the opportunity to move away, taking Ailin with her. The ground was slippery and dangerous for her older sister’s small feet, and Meilin didn’t want Ailin to get hurt.