Page 105 of Grim Tidings

“What?”

“Blame yourself.” He snuggles closer, burying his face in my neck. “I knew what I was doing.”

“You had no idea what you were doing. That was all bravado and poor decision-making.”

He hums to himself, pleased. “It worked, though. Didn’t it?”

“It did,” I agree. But at what cost? I have no idea what I handed over to him last night. I have no idea what he gave back. I trail my fingertips over the planes of his face, down the slope of his neck, over his shoulder and down his arm.

“Hey. Your sword is gone.” I rub my thumb over the bare skin between his wrist and elbow.

“Left it in the hallway,” he slurs. “I’ll get it later.”

“Want me to go grab it?”

He heaves a long-suffering sigh, annoyed that I’m hell-bent on having a conversation while he’s trying to hold on to his sleep. “I don’t know, Darcy. Do I need my sword right now?”

I drop my head back to the pillow, buzzy and anxious. This is my post-magic comedown, and I feel restless. Eager for something to do. Gabriel cups the back of my head and rubs the base of my skull with his fingertips, firm strokes that have me melting like butter against him.

“What’s going on?” he rumbles.

“Nothing.”

“You want to talk about yesterday?” He pauses. “I saw Frank, and he said—”

“That I ruined his life?”

“Not quite.”

I sigh. “Frank recognized me. I was the one to take his wife and daughter from him.”

Gabriel makes a low sound of surprise. I flinch.

“Daughter?” he asks.

I nod. “It was a car accident, almost forty years ago if my math is right. He was hurt, too. But I couldn’t take him with us. It wasn’t his time.”

Gabriel leans back so he can look at me. “You didn’t make that choice.”

“It doesn’t matter, though, does it?” My eyes burn, the tips of my fingers numb. “I was the one to take them away from him.”

Gabriel grips my chin. “It wasn’t you,” he says again. “You were doing your job.”

“Yeah, well. My job sucks.”

His eyes soften, and he drops his head back down against the pillow. Exhaustion rolls off him in waves, and guilt pricks at me again.

I should have been able to control my magic last night. What if it sinks into him and corrupts all the good, soft parts? What if it hurts him? What if they take his wings because he helped a Reaper?

What if I’m his third strike?

I thought I could outrun what I am, but I can’t. I’ve been jumping into rivers and carving pumpkins and making flower arrangements while putting everyone around me in danger. I’m not meant for a slow, simple life. I already had one. What I am now belongs to the department.

I’m delaying the inevitable by staying here and playing house with a man I have no future with. Gideon won’t stop until he has me. I know that. The longer I delay, the worse it will hurt the both of us.

“I can hear you catastrophizing,” Gabriel mutters with his forehead between my breasts.

“Of course you can.” I try to lighten my voice. Tease him, like everything is normal. “You’re using me as a pillow.”