Page 59 of Fame & Chaos

I want to call her.

I want to hear her voice again.

But what’s the point?

She already said no to seeing me again, which means there’s obviously a reason she’s keeping me at arm’s length. I just wish I knew what the fuck it was.

I stare at the clock on my phone as the minutes drag by. I haven’t slept at all. Thoughts of her have consumed every second of the night. Wondering what she smells like now. Wondering if her skin still feels as soft as I remember. Wondering if she thought about me all these years too.

I keep replaying the feel of her lips against mine and imagining what it would be like to hold her against me again.

Six years.

Six fucking years trying to move on, trying to forget her, trying to convince myself she wasn’t coming back. And all it took was one look at her for every bit of progress I made to go straight down the drain.

I’m addicted to her.

Always have been.

And deep down, I know there’s no way in hell I’m staying away from her now that I’ve found her again.

I glance at the time. Six-thirty in the morning.

At this point, I want to go home, crawl into my own bed, and wallow in misery for a while. So I drag myself up, make the bed, and head downstairs, assuming everyone will still be asleep. But when I walk into the kitchen, I find Colt sitting alone at the dining table with his head buried in his hands.

I exhale quietly and walk over to him. “Did you get any sleep?” I ask.

He looks up at me and slowly shakes his head. “Not a goddamn wink.”

I nod and take the seat beside him. “It’s not your fault, you know?”

He drags a hand through his hair and exhales heavily. “I just want the right life for my girls. You know? I’ve been where Annie is now, and if she starts going down some self-destructive path, I’ll never forgive myself.”

My shoulders slump slightly. I knew he’d be upset over this, but I didn’t realize how deeply he’d take it as a personal failure.

“Colt, look… I’ve known you for sixteen years. We’ve been through some incredible shit together and some devastating shit too, right?”

He furrows his brows at me before nodding slowly. “Right.”

“Well, not once in all that time have I ever seen you fail.” I lean back in the chair and look over at him seriously. “I’ve seen you support me through everything. Then you were there for Dee when she needed you most, and now you’re there for your girls every single day. Annie’s always had a temper and a mind of her own, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It just means she’s got more lessons to learn than most.”

He stays quiet while I continue, “She’s smart when she wants to be, and she’s a good person, Colt. That’s because of you and Dee. God knows what her biological family is like. They could be complete assholes for all we know, and maybe some of what Annie struggles with is genetics, not bad parenting. But trust me, you’re doing a fucking great job with both of them. Even if we’re not technically related, Annie and Ella are still my family. They’re my blood as far as I’m concerned, and I know they mean everything to you too. So stop beating yourself up over one stupid mistake.”

“But if I were doing my job properly, they wouldn’t fall at all—”

“Stop it,” I cut in firmly. “Of course they would. Everyone screws up, no matter how good their upbringing is. You’re doing everything right, Colt. Annie will grow up eventually, and until then, we keep watching her back.” I shake my head and exhale. “And trust me, seeing her like that scared the absolute shit out of me, too. I think it scared her as well. I’m pretty sure she won’t be touching alcohol again anytime soon.”

Colt studies me for a moment before narrowing his eyes slightly. “You look exhausted. Didn’t you sleep?”

A dry chuckle escapes me because I don’t even know where to begin with that answer. “Let’s just say it was an eye-opening night. Like… eyes-open-all-night kind of eye-opening.”

One side of his mouth twitches upward slightly. “You okay?” he asks, reaching over to rest a hand on my shoulder.

I nod, swallowing hard as Indi’s face flashes through my mind again. That kiss, her eyes, the way she pulled away from me like she wanted to stay but knew she shouldn’t.

“I’m okay,” I mutter. “Just got hit with a blast from the past, I guess. I’ll be fine. I just wanna go home, crawl into my own bed, and sleep for a week.”

“Well,” Colt says quietly, squeezing my shoulder. “Even if you’re not biologically my son, you’re still my blood. You know if something’s bothering you, you can come to me. Even if I’m falling apart myself, I’ll still be here for you. You know that, right?”