Page 103 of Fame & Chaos

Jesus Christ.

“Well, I could always take my pants off.”

I move my hand toward the button on my jeans jokingly, and she immediately laughs, grabbing my hands before I can undo anything. Not that I was seriously going to flash her in the middle of a public riverbank.

“Okay,” she says through a laugh, still holding my hands. “I think we’ve established that kissing is good for us. Let’s not get carried away with the things that usually happen after kissing, okay?”

I nod slowly. “Take things slow. Got it.”

“Not slow, Caleb.” Her expression shifts to more serious. “I’m not going to suddenly change my mind about relationships just because you want to sleep with me.”

I furrow my brows. “Hey, I don’t just want to sleep with you, Indi. You mean way too much to me for that.”

She blinks at me in confusion. “I’m too good to sleep with now? Because your cock is telling me something completely different at the moment.”

“Wait.” I shake my head with a small laugh. “That’s not what I meant at all. I’m saying you deserve more than some meaningless hookup. You deserve to be loved properly. You deserve someone who makes love to you, not someone who treats you like a quick fuck.”

The defensive tension leaves her face instantly. “Oh…”

I lift my hand and tilt her chin toward me gently. “Indi, I’ve wanted you every single night since the first time we were together. I still remember exactly how it felt having you in my arms, being inside you, hearing those little noises you make.” My voice drops lower. “I want that again. I want it with you.”

She swallows hard before pulling her chin from my grip. “That can’t happen, Caleb. All we’re doing is kissing.” Then quieter, almost like the words hurt her to say, “I can’t love you.”

My confusion spikes all over again.

Now we’re talking about love?

“You know I love you, Indi.”

She exhales sharply and turns away from me. “You can’t love someone you don’t know anymore, Caleb. You love the version of me from six years ago.”

“You were the one who said you haven’t changed.” I shift closer. “I loved you six years ago, and I love you now. I love the girl you were and the woman sitting beside me tonight. I love you, Indi—”

“Caleb, don’t.” She squeezes her eyes shut. “Please don’t ruin this. I can’t love you the way you want me to.”

“Why not?” I ask quietly, even though I already know she probably won’t answer.

“Because it will destroy both of us. Love is chaos.” Her voice cracks slightly. “Don’t you remember?”

“I remember everything, Indi.”

She stands abruptly and wraps her arms around herself protectively while staring out across the river. “Just a kiss, Caleb,” she whispers.

Exhaling heavily, I push myself to my feet beside her and stare out over the calm river, which feels like the complete opposite of the storm tearing through me right now.

My stomach is twisted into knots.

My heart is hammering.

And I feel like I’m one wrong move away from losing her all over again.

“Just a kiss, Indi,” I repeat quietly. “That’s all this is.”

She turns toward me, studying my face carefully. “You mean that? Because I can’t do this any other way. It’s this… or nothing.”

I glance up at the full moon hanging high above us and swear it’s making her completely insane tonight. But if this is the only way I can have her in my life, then I’ll take it because no version of my future exists where I willingly lose this woman again.

“Just a kiss,” I say again.