Page 143 of Fame & Rhythm

Him and Amber… they fit. They’ll be perfect. The kind of couple people write headlines about.

I can already see it…

And it hurts.

I tell myself I should want him to be happy. That after everything, he deserves that.

But the truth is uglier than that.

I don’t want him happy with her.

I want him happy with me.

Therapy has made that painfully clear. I see it now in a way I didn’t before. He could have loved me. Maybe he did. And I loved him, I know I did, but I let fear ruin it before it even had the chance to become something real.

I’ve known Aston my entire life. Eighteen years as best friends. One year as something more.

And I threw it all away.

I sit beneath the tree, wrapping my arms around myself as if I can hold the cold at bay. It doesn’t work. The chill has already sunk in, deep and stubborn, and it has nothing to do with the winter air. My tears have slowed to the occasional shaky breath. I’m fairly sure there’s no makeup left on my face after scrubbing at it so hard, but right now, I couldn’t care less.

A figure moves toward me through the fading light. For a second, I think it might be Ella, though everything is still a little blurred so I am unsure.

“Annie?” she calls.

“Yep,” I answer, wiping at my cheeks one last time as she reaches me.

“Dad’s looking for you! Wait, have you been crying?”

“Doesn’t even matter,” I mutter, pushing to my feet and brushing grass from my ass.

“Annie, it does matter. Is this because of Amber?”

I nod, swallowing hard. “I knew he’d move on eventually. I just didn’t think it would hurt this much.”

She studies me for a moment. “I’m sorry. I know it’s hard. But Annie… you’ve been snogging guys for the past year. Why is it different when Aston does it?”

I let out a breath that feels too heavy for my chest. “Because none of that meant anything. Every time I kissed someone, I was thinking about him. Now…” I shake my head. “Now I know when he kisses her, he’s only thinking about her.”

“If you love him, why did you let him go?”

I huff out a humorless laugh. “Because I wasn’t thinking straight. I was a mess. I probably still am. He’s better off without someone like me.”

Her fingers tighten around mine. “You’re not a mess. You’re figuring things out. And for what it’s worth, I think you’re finally starting to see things clearly.”

I don’t argue, even if I’m not entirely convinced.

“C’mon,” she says gently. “Let’s get back before Dad sends out a search party.”

I hesitate. “Do I look terrible?”

She smiles, reaching up to wipe beneath my eyes, catching the worst of the mascara. “Barely noticeable.”

Which translates to I look like absolute hell.

I manage a small smile anyway, letting her pull me back toward the gazebo. Inside, everyone’s already seated, waiting for dinner to be served. Relief hits me when I see Aston and Amber aren’t at our table, but it doesn’t last long. They’re directly in front of me, perfectly within view.

“Are you okay, Annie?” Dad asks as I take my seat opposite him.