Page 137 of Fame & Rhythm

I roll over and check my phone—it’s been so long since I messaged him.

And I miss him.

I miss my best friend.

I miss his smile most of all.

Even though I see it now… it’s not the same.

He seems to be coping so much better than I am.

Which only goes to prove my point. If what he said had been real, if he really loved me, then he’d be a mess too. Right?

Because no one can love me like that.

Not really.

Not when even the people who brought me into this world didn’t want me.

I stare at the ceiling, knowing I’m a complete fuck up.

My door creaks open, and Mum peeks in. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

I shake my head. “No. Come in.”

She steps inside and closes the door behind her. “Did you get any sleep?”

“Not much. Couple of hours, maybe. What time is it?”

“Nearly midday. Everyone’s still asleep. I just wanted to check on you.”

“I’m fine.”

She sits beside me, studying me carefully. “I want to talk to you about something. I know you’re unsure about it, but we’ve booked an appointment with Dr. Ludwick in a couple of days. She’s one of the best, Annie. I really think she can help you.”

“It’s not that you can’t help me,” I say quietly. “You do. You always do. I just… can’t shake this. It’s like it’s stuck inside me.”

“I know that feeling,” she says softly. “I had it when your father and I were apart. It’s awful. And I know I can’t fix it for you, but someone else might be able to help guide you through it.” She hesitates. “Maybe even give you something to help take the edge off.”

I scrunch my face. “Like antidepressants?”

She nods. “I took them for a while. They don’t fix everything, but they help you breathe a little easier. And right now, I think you need help finding your way back to yourself.” Her voice softens further. “I just want my bright, happy Annie back.” She smiles. “It’s not your fault she’s hiding. Your emotions are just… overwhelming you. That’s all.”

I nod slowly. “Okay. I… I don’t want to feel like this anymore, Mum.”

“I know, sweetheart. And we’re going to do everything we can to help you.”

“Thanks, Mum… and I’m sorry. I feel like such a damn mess.”

“You’re not a mess,” she says firmly. “You’ve just lost your way a little. That’s all.” I let out a breath. “I know the jet lag’s awful,” she adds gently. “But try to get some proper rest.”

“I will.”

She smiles softly, then stands and heads for the door. “Get some sleep.”

“Thanks, Mum.”

She leaves, closing the door quietly behind her.