Page 135 of Fame & Rhythm

I perform the songs we wrote together.

Then I sleep.

Everything keeps moving around me, but I feel stuck, like my feet are set in concrete, and nothing can shift me from where I am.

Aston tried to talk to me a few times after Belfast, but I avoided him, avoided everything, and he eventually got the message.

Ella tried too, doing her best to make me laugh, but even she’s given up now. She spends most of her time with Amber and the guys.

Watching Aston and Amber together is like nails on a chalkboard. I don’t even know if they’re actually together, but she’s always touching him, always close, and he’s started smiling and laughing again.

I know, because I watch.

Always.

I’ve become that person in the band, the one people whisper about. Only instead of the ‘bad boy,’ I’m the moody, unstable girl.

The papers say Staked would be better without me, that I’m dragging the band down. There’s even been talk of drugs, rumors that Dad’s using again and supplying me.

That one nearly broke him.

He’s tried to shut it down, telling everyone I’m a depressed teenager, but no one’s listening. They’ve already made up their minds about me.

And honestly… I don’t care.

I don’t care about anything right now.

Not even music.

And that was my biggest fear from the start, that whatever was happening with Aston would ruin this for me. Now it feels like that’s exactly what’s happening.

I still perform well.

But offstage? I’m a mess.

If something sets me off, I react before I think, and that’s where the ‘bad girl’ image comes from.

People call me rude.

A bitch.

In interviews, I barely speak… one-word answers, no smiles.

Even fans have turned on me. One group cornered me at a hotel and told me I should quit the band or they’d boycott us.

Dad shut that down fast. Said ‘Four angry girls aren’t starting a revolution.’ Said ‘Fans care about the music more than one band member’s attitude.’

And he was right.

Sales didn’t drop. If anything, they got better.

Rob’s even talking about a headline tour for us next year.

I go along with it.

I go along with everything.

I show up, do what I’m told, and then disappear as quickly as I can.