Page 20 of Most Truly the Gentleman

Fitzwilliam interrupted these praises by enquiring whether Mr Collins often visited his Bennet cousins. The man was happy to inform them that he had met them all for the first time mere days ago. “The question of whether I ought to attempt to heal the rupture between our families had been on my mind for some time, and when I naturally sought her ladyship’s advice on the matter, she insisted upon knowing every detail in my possession before instructing me.

“‘Mr Collins’, she then said to me, ‘I have been meaning to remind you that it is the duty of a clergyman to set the example of matrimony in his parish, and now you tell me that your cousin, whose estate you will inherit, has five unmarried daughters. The solution could not be simpler: you must reconcile with your cousin—unless, of course, he proves to be a very bad sort, with whom you cannot in good conscience associate. If he is, as I suspect, merely a man like any other, you must give his daughters first consideration when you look for a wife. Your inheritance will deprive them of not only a beloved father, but also the home they have known all their lives otherwise. If there is among them an active, useful sort of girl, bring her here as your wife, and I shall visit her.’” He beamed at them. “Such wisdom! The rightness of the scheme was apparent the moment she spoke it, and I could do naught but write to my cousin the very same day and propose that he should receive me. He gave me his agreement, and here am I, with a greater bounty of family than I have ever before known, and the promise of wedded bliss to add to my happiness ere long.”

Darcy found himself rather bemused by this speech, but when Fitzwilliam subtly kicked his ankle, he recalled his purpose, and exerted himself to turn the conversation in the direction it must go. “My aunt will surely be glad of the addition of another well-bred lady to her sphere.”

“Indeed! I flatter myself that admittance into the company of Lady Catherine de Bourgh and her lovely daughter is not the least of the benefits Cousin Elizabeth will enjoy as my wife.”

The casual certainty with which he pronounced his expectations caused Darcy to choke on his port. Mr Bennet must have given the man some assurance that his suit would be accepted. Fitzwilliam and Kirkland seemed taken aback, as well.

The clergyman noted their surprise, and smiled with smug complacency. “Ah, yes, I understand your confusion, good sirs. The honour of marrying her father’s heir should, by rights, belong to the eldest, and I will not deny that Miss Bennet is a fine lady, more than worthy of the position. However, her mother did inform me that she is likely to be very soon engaged, and I determined that it would be unkind, even unchristian, to insist upon my own precedence when it appears that there is some affection involved. And, of course, by allowing that union to proceed and turning my eyes to the sister next in age and beauty, I ensure that at least one of my wife’s sisters will not require my support when I inherit.” It was plain to see that he thought himself very sharp indeed.

Really, this man is an incredible dunce, Darcy thought. He was no longer at all confident Collins might be dissuaded, but the attempt must be made. “I see. However, that was not the cause of my astonishment. Rather, I would not have thought you willing to brave my aunt’s displeasure in securing your own happiness. I salute your courage, sir.”

“D-displeasure?” the man stuttered, eyes wide and uncomprehending. “Why should you think that her ladyship would not approve of Cousin Elizabeth? What is amiss with her that I have failed to see? Please, sir, you must tell me!”

“Amiss with the lady? Why, nothing at all,” Darcy replied earnestly. He had not been in any way comfortable claiming to approve of the man’s intentions, but he was now returned to the solid ground of the unadulterated truth. “It is only that a lady so vibrant and witty must naturally eclipse my poor, sickly cousin. No mother likes to see her daughter overshadowed, particularly by one beneath her in station.”

Mr Collins frowned mightily. “But… When her vivacity is tempered with the silence and respect which her ladyship’s rank must excite, surely Cousin Elizabeth cannot fail to be acceptable?”

The admiral chuckled. “I have known Miss Elizabeth almost from the cradle, and I cannot imagine that even the presence of His Majesty would excite her to silence were he to address her. Unless you intend to present her to your patroness as a mute, her qualities will shine through even in common and ordinary conversation.”

“Truly,” Darcy said, “when you spoke of seeking a wife among your cousin’s daughters, I assumed you referred to Miss Mary. She seems born to be a clergyman’s helpmeet.” This was the second part of their plan: to nudge him in the direction of the more suitable sister, and thereby, should he take the bait and the lady prove willing, allow the Bennet family to reap all the benefits of a union with the heir without condemning the man and his bride to years under the shadow of Lady Catherine’s disapprobation.

“Miss Mary?” he repeated plaintively, his disappointment evident.

While Darcy sought in vain for an encouraging reply, his cousin stepped into the breach. Leaning towards Collins, Fitzwilliam said confidentially, “Soldiers and clergymen must both be adept in seeing that which passes others by, so I am certain you have already noticed that although Miss Mary styles herself in a very modest fashion, she is not at all lacking in the natural attributes her sisters display more openly.”

Flattered, Mr Collins nodded thoughtfully and said, “Of course, Colonel, of course,” at the same time very plainly cudgelling his brains for any recollection of the traits he claimed to have catalogued heretofore.

Darcy was quick to seize the rope Fitzwilliam had thrown him. “Yes, quite. The shape of her face is very like her sisters’, and her figure, though clad soberly, is no less pleasing than theirs. She hides her light under a bushel, as befits a lady whose interests are spiritual rather than worldly, but there is, if you will forgive me a touch of indelicacy, a goodly amount of light to hide.” He ignored the faint choking sound which emanated from Fitzwilliam’s location, knowing he would be mercilessly teased for that statement before the night was through.

“Her husband will be a lucky man,” Kirkland commented sagely. “He will be praised for choosing a wife for her virtues rather than her appearance, but when they are alone together, he shall enjoy beauty enough, and it will be his alone to view.”

It was immediately apparent that this notion was appealing to Mr Collins, though it was a little unclear whether it was a pretty wife or the approbation of his neighbours that he most desired.

Darcy delivered the coup de grâce. “Lady Catherine would most decidedly approve of Miss Mary. Her modesty and piety must disarm all reproof.”

“Right you are, sir. I am filled with amazement that I did not see it for myself! Thank you!” He seized one of Darcy’s hands, squeezing it and bowing as best he could without letting go. “You are the best and kindest of men, Mr Darcy. In you shine forth the manly forms of all your aunt’s manifold virtues! You have saved me from a most unconscionable mistake! I should never have forgiven myself had I disappointed her ladyship with my choice.”

Darcy was saved from having to form a reply to this speech when Mr Goulding chose that moment to stand and announce they would rejoin the ladies. Mr Collins hurried away, remembering only at the last moment to allow his host to precede him from the room.

“Do you suppose,” Fitzwilliam asked reflectively, “that we have done poor Miss Mary a disservice tonight? She may not like him any better than her sister does.”

Kirkland shook his head. “I have never seen so much as a hint of the romantic in that one. I believe it is as Mr Darcy said—her interests are spiritual. I suspect that she will be glad to have secured the notice of a clergyman, and likely pleased to gain the distinction of being the first of her sisters to marry, not to mention preserving Longbourn for Mr Bennet’s direct line. They will each believe they have been very clever indeed to secure the other, and rub along as well as any married couple, no doubt.”

“I hope you may be soon proved correct,” said Darcy.

Elizabeth could not restrain a small sigh as Mr Collins bustled into the drawing room on Mr Goulding’s heels, looking about him with open eagerness. With no little astonishment and relief, she beheld him hurrying over to Mary and speaking to her with clear excitement. Having heard him out, Mary smiled, invited him with a gesture to occupy the seat beside her, and opened her book. They bent their heads over it, and spent the remainder of the evening in that attitude.

Free of his constant presence and of the desire to inflict it upon as few of her neighbours as possible, she moved about the room with her dearest friend, speaking with their friends as they found them. She noted with satisfaction that the absence of the officers had reduced Lydia to no greater misbehaviour than speaking too loudly.

They came upon a small group of gentlemen, including the colonel, Mr Darcy, and Charlotte’s elder brother, gathered around the admiral, as he told the tale of his capture of a pirate vessel in the West Indies when he had been a mere captain. They had heard the story before, as had Samuel Lucas, but it never failed to entertain.

“She was a rich prize,” he concluded with satisfaction. “Fully half my present income comes from the interest on my share of her spoils!”

“And fully half your promotion to admiral, I do not doubt,” the colonel said.

Kirkland laughed and agreed. “A ship and crew are no trivial things to finance; the Admiralty likes a captain who brings them more money than his vessel costs. I acquitted myself well enough in the attempt to retain our American colonies, but it was my service in defence of England’s merchant fleet, both before and after that ruction, which made my name and my fortune.”