Page 103 of The Wedding Favor

“I think she’s fine. She got from point A to point B,” Jonathan said. He was standing a few feet away, watching me with a critical eye. Like the man had ever seen a pageant before in his life. “I hope she plans on wearing something besides those holey jeans though. Looks like Swiss cheese to me.”

“Okay, okay.” I glared at the room at large. “Thank you for all of your opinions. So helpful.”

Gloria pointed at Hallie. “Hallie, darling, please go show Iris how to walk properly.”

Hallie skipped over to the other side of the room, turned and walked back with the confidence of a runway model in Paris. Not fair.

“That’s good,” Jonathan said, sounding impressed. He held up a hand and Hallie gave him a high-five.

“Iris, do you see how she puts her shoulders back and glides? You must glide. I have no idea what you’re doing. Interpretive dance, perhaps?”

“Thanks, bestie.”

“You’re very welcome. Honesty is important.”

“You and Abraham Lincoln, right?”

“I cannot tell a lie.” Today, she wore a long caftan, the pattern an explosion of shapes and colors. She’d paired it with simple white sandals and giant gold hoop earrings and yet another of those scarves tied around her head. “Especially when it comes to your posture and walk.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.” I plopped myself down on the floor. “Can we be done yet?”

Gloria glanced at her watch. “You’ve been here ten minutes.”

“Nine minutes too long,” I muttered and then, because I could, I laid down on the cool linoleum floor and stared up at the faux wood beams on the ceiling. A minute later, Gloria nudged me with her foot.

“Oh, dear. Is she dead?” Mary asked, coming to join Gloria. “Maybe her blood sugar is low. Here, take this, dear.” She dangled a butterscotch candy from her fingers.

“I’m not dead.” I took the candy though.

I might be if I really had to go through with the pageant. Except I had no one to blame but myself. The emails and text messages (yes, I was added to the group chat) made my stomach hurt with the endless list of things I needed to know. For example, there were two (TWO!) group dance numbers. I had already met my lifetime quota of group dance numbers for Aidan’s wedding, thank you very much.

This was on top of my solo talent which was… currently non-existent. And I had to confirm what it would be by next week. So far, everything that I’d suggested had been shot down. I still didn’t understand why three minutes of sarcastic comebacks wasn’t a winner. I’d kill at that.

“Get up off the floor,” Gloria said with more than a little disgust in her voice. “This is not lady-like at all.”

“I don’t care. And who gets to say what a lady is anyway. Hmm?”

“It probably isn’t very hygienic,” Mary said.

“Sure isn’t,” Jonathan said, having arrived to add his two cents.

“I think you did great,” Hallie said.

“Thanks.” After sitting up, I blew hair out of my face.

“Fine. We’ll work on something else for now.” Gloria pulled a chair up and sat wearily, like the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. In this scenario, I was that world.

“I have to pick a talent by the end of the week. I got nothing. So, pageant coach, help me out.”

“I picked a talent,” Hallie said, bouncing on her toes. “I’m going to do magic tricks.”

“You don’t have to brag about it,” I grumbled. Honestly though, she’d already started practicing and she was pretty good.

“Yes, this is quite the problem. Are you sure you can’t dance?” Gloria folded her hands in her lap.

“No.”

“Throw a baton?” Mary asked.