Page 79 of The Do-Over

A flood of icy-hot sorrow burned in my throat. These were the moments when words seemed inadequate.

With a humorless laugh, he gestured toward the trashcan. “My mother didn’t think I had the ability to raise a kid. Some days, I’m not sure she’s wrong.”

“You seem to be doing okay,” I said. “Is that the reason you moved here?”

“Partly. I needed to get away from home. That neighborhood was no place to raise a kid. I guess I ran away. But yeah, I wanted to prove to myself and to my mom I could do this.”

“Maybe she’s ready to apologize?”

His frown was fierce and immediate. “Maybe I’m not ready to hear it. The thing is, I want a better life for Lilah. For me, too. I’m in school. I have work. I can’t afford any distractions.”

“Distractions?”

With a firm nod of his head, he continued. “I need to keep my focus. When I was a kid, I let myself get distracted. I can’t do that again. I have Lilah now. She comes before anything else.”

“That makes sense. Keep your eyes on the prize, and all that.” But a tiny part of my heart shriveled right there on the spot. I was clearly not a distraction. He wouldn’t have any problems being distracted by me. I was the opposite of a distraction, an un-distraction. That was fine. Totally fine.

Relief tinged his smile. “Exactly.”

“I think that’s admirable, and I think your sister would be proud of you.”

His eyes drifted back to Mara’s picture. “I hope so.”

“Well, I should get back. I’m glad we talked.” I made my way to the door and hesitated. “Is having friends too much of a distraction? Everyone needs friends.”

I waited for him to reply, my heart beating too hard in my chest. When he didn’t, I pulled open the door.

As I stepped into the hallway, the quiet sound of his voice reached me. “Yeah, a friend would be nice.”

THIRTY-ONE

“Beauty’s only skin deep.

So, make sure you pay attention to the stuff

on the inside you can’t moisturize.”

—MIMI

“Are you sure this looks okay on me? I tend to stay away from animal prints.” My face scrunched as I stared at my reflection in the department store mirror.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I’d promised Mimi I’d take her to the mall for a little retail therapy.

“Of course it does. It looks very nice with your skin tone,” Mimi said with a firm nod. Long feather earrings grazed across her shoulders with the movement.

I could imagine Mathias vehemently disagreeing with that claim.

I pulled a black tea-length dress with cap sleeves and tent-like volume from the nearest rack. “What about something like this?”

Mimi scowled. “No black. Honey, you aren’t in mourning. You’re young and beautiful, so dress like it.”

I snorted. Maybe I was in mourning. Over a body that never quite looked the way I wanted it to. Round, chubby, fluffy. Whatever the euphemism, they all meant fat.

My grandmother stomped over to me. “What was that sound about? You are young and beautiful.” Wrapping her fingers around my wrist, she half dragged me back to the mirror and turned me so I was facing my image. “Now, tell me what you see.”

“Me?”

“That’s all?”