Page 18 of Lessons in Cruelty

Don’t lose your shit.

Don’t lose your shit.

I force a grin as she opens a folder branded with the college’s logo and slips the sheet of paper inside. There’s a small silver name plaque beside it lying on top of a yellow microfiber cloth. I guess she was busy cleaning it and, judging from the discarded candy bar wrapper nearby, got a little distracted.

Student Liaison

NORA

“There you are,” she says, plopping the thick folder down in front of me and patting it. “Everything you need is in there, dear.”

When I just stand there, she adds, “Was there something else?”

“Yeah…um…” I lick my lips, hoping the way my head is reeling has to do with low blood sugar and not panic. I need to salvage what I can of the ship Nosy Nora just wrecked.

“It’s just, see, my dad, he’s not in town at the moment.”

She opens her mouth, and I know she’s going to ask for my mother’s number, so I cut her off before she can speak.

“And, uh…my mom’s not—it’s just me and my dad.”

Sympathy flashes over Nora’s features.

“Oh, it’s nothing urgent. As long as he gets it back to me before the end of the week, everything’s golden.”

“And, uh, what if he’s gone longer than that?” I sandwich the thick folder, my notepad, and my notebook against my chest. I really need to get a backpack.

Nora frowns. “Well, when is he coming back, sweetie?”

Never ever ever.

I swallow. “I’m not sure.”

“No problem. If you give me his email address, I’ll just⁠—“

“You know what? Why don’t you give me the form? I’ll make sure he signs it.”

Her brow furrows. “It’ll be faster if I email.”

“He doesn’t have wifi.”

Nora titters. “Where is he, the North Pole?”

I wave away her question, stalling so I can think. “Pshhh. Some, I dunno, spiritual retreat or something.”

“Ohhh.” Nora’s eyebrows jump up, and she leans in a little to whisper, “One of those.”

“Yeah, but I’ll just, you know, fax it to him or something.”

She looks like she wants to keep arguing, but my orange soda is wearing off.

I slap a hand on the counter. “Let me do you this favor, Nora. You’ve been so kind to me on my first—“ I shrug “—well, second day. I’m going to save you the hassle of all that back and forth.” I scrunch up my face. “You don’t want to spend half an hour trying to convince a psychic guru that my dad has to emerge from his sweat tent to sign something for his daughter’s college.”

Nora grimaces. “No sirree Bob.” She holds up her hands in surrender. “All yours, sweetie.” She wheels her chair over to a filing cabinet and pulls out a stapled form from a drawer.

I take it with a smile, and vamoose before she can change her mind, heading for the library. I need to find a place to dump all this stuff so I can go through my enrollment packet and look at my class schedule.

As I go, I’m muttering to myself like a crazy person.