Page 175 of Lessons in Cruelty

His brother made it really fucking clear Kai never, ever wanted to speak to me again. Also told me to stop writing, because Kai set every single one of my letters on fire. That his brother would set me on fire if I dared to contact him again.

That was the day I went to Lookout Point for the first time.

My father and uncle were both so doped up, they didn’t even know I took the car keys. I meant to visit Kai. I knew his address, and it was a random Wednesday afternoon, so I was sure he’d be home. But when I pulled up outside his enormous mansion with its pretty fountain and impossibly large lawn, I felt like the filthiest, poorest piece of trash in all of Riverside.

Despite all of that, I somehow convinced myself to go up to the gate. But before I could press the buzzer, I spotted a shape in one of the upstairs windows, and I froze up.

It was Kai.

He was watching me.

I was close enough to recognize his silhouette, so surely he could see me, too. But he just stood there, watching. Waiting to see what I’d do. If I was brave enough.

…screw being brave. I’ll stick with being a coward…

I got back in the car, drove all the way up the mountain, and pulled off at the rest stop, shaking with anger, fear, betrayal.

I nearly jumped that day.

If the couple in the SUV with the words ‘JUST MARRIED’ scrawled on the sides hadn’t stopped to admire the view, I’d just be some greasy ashes in a tacky box right now.

I got back in my car and watched them making out. Alternating between hating them, and blessing them.

Hating them, because I was jealous. I knew I’d never have what they have. I was destined to work for minimum wage the rest of my life, probably pick up a drug habit like my dad, and most likely end up preggers with my uncle’s fucking child.

If I didn’t kill myself first.

But I blessed the couple, too. Because I believed everyone in the world was worthy of love. Some people just have to fight harder for it than others.

I’m not sure if I feel that way anymore.

I’m older now. Hopefully wiser.

I don’t believe in soul mates, or destiny.

Things happen, and either you’re responsible for those things…or someone else is. When I got sick of everyone else being responsible for my happiness—or lack thereof—I decided I’d do whatever it took to get into Agony Hollow College.

Kai never featured in my five-year plan, because he’d opted out of my life years ago.

So why the fuck am I suddenly willing to risk it all, just to find out how deep his hatred runs?

Because maybe, just maybe, it’s only surface deep.

And maybe…just fucking maybe…I’ll know which version of Haven will arrive at Lookout Point in a few years.

The one in the ‘JUST MARRIED’ car, or the one ready to throw herself off the cliff?

Silently, quietly, so fucking carefully, Kai takes his hand off my mouth. Waiting to see if I’ll scream.

But I don’t.

So he slides a hand between our bodies, grabs the hem of my dress, and starts pulling it up my leg.

I squirm under him, and the knife presses harder against my throat.

With the long slit he made down the front, I’m already plenty naked, but I guess that’s not enough for Kai.

I tense as his fingers reach my hip, and he purses his lips, warning me to stay quiet.