Page 98 of Before We Break

His thumb digs into the opposite palm, massaging a pressure point. There’s a long silence before he finally speaks. “I don’t know. I don’t fucking know, and it terrifies me.”

“Then maybe… maybe we should end this.”

“No.” The word rushes out of him, and he shakes his head. “No. I don’t want that.”

“So, what do you want?”

He breathes out a ragged exhalation. “I can’t. I know what you want to hear and I just… can’t.”

“It’s simple. Do you want to be with me?”

He stands abruptly, roughly running his fingers through his hair. “Simple? My life was simple before I knew you existed. Before you came in here with your sunshine and optimism. Before you made me crave you.” His tone is gruff and accusatory as he paces the length of the platform and back. “And now… now I can’t breathe if your smile isn’t the first thing I see in the morning. So no, this thing between us—it’s anything but simple.”

Each word is spoken like a dagger plunging straight into his heart as anguish seeps from the gaping wounds. He doesn’t want to want me, that much is clear. Despite what his heart must be telling him, he’s determined to push me away.

Maybe I should let him. We’d both be better for it, in the end.

I stand, squaring my shoulders, intent on removing myself from the equation.

He turns to face me, chest heaving with each breath, jaw clenched and cheeks hollow.

Our eyes lock and hold. There’s a defiant glint in blue irises. Minutes pass. Maybe seconds. Time is irrelevant as the space between us crackles to life.

His gaze dips to my lips for a fraction of a second and suddenly…

“Fuck it.” His strong hands cradle my jaw, fingers tangling in my hair as his mouth crashes down on mine, determined and unforgiving.

My heart aches as his tongue delves into my mouth, blending passion and pain. His lips are soft, in direct opposition to the weight of the moment and whatever is passing between us.

His forehead presses to mine as we catch our breath. “I can’t let you go, but I can’t give you what you need.”

“I just need you.” I choke on the words as my emotions get the better of me. “Not the version you pretend to be. This one.” I press my palm over his thundering heart. “The one who holds me in my sleep and takes care of me when I’m sick. I don’t need a title or promises. I just need this, with you, right now.”

Time will prove me a liar, but if lying is the only way to keep him from walking away, I’ll gladly play my part.

“Promise me one thing. When the earth starts to move beneath your feet, and you feel like you might be falling, run. Run fast and far because I won’t follow you, but I can’t watch you break.”

I close my eyes and will away the tears because it’s too late. The ground has already shifted, and I can’t stop it from swallowing me whole.

I can’t speak, so I nod.

His expression gentles, and he kisses me, slow and unhurried. A chill travels up my spine, and Noah smiles against my lips. “Come on. Let’s get you back to bed.”

TWENTY-SEVEN

BEFORE WE BREAK

♫ The First Time - Damiano David

NOAH

Me: Did you take your meds today?

Princess: Yes

Me: Good girl

It’s been a helluva day, starting with Auggie’s right processor going missing—it was later discovered magnetized to the refrigerator—and ending in a consultation gone awry when I told a potential client I wouldn’t be able to cover up someone else’s shoddy work for the price they were willing to pay. I’m exhausted to my bones.