Page 120 of Before We Break

Noah follows me out to the fire escape, and we sit side by side again the same way we did that first time.

So much has changed since then.

It’s unseasonably cold for early spring in Willow Valley, a chill seeping through my thin T-shirt. Noah takes the blanket from my hands and drapes it around my shoulders, then he rests his hand on my hip, holding me close.

Neither of us speaks, giving my mind ample opportunity to run away with me.

Lexi’s having a baby.

My baby is having a baby.

She’s still just a kid.

I was just a kid.

I could say this is my worst nightmare come to life, but it’s not. There are far worse things in this world, and in my dreams that surpass teen pregnancy, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified for her.

I did everything I could to prepare her for adulthood, but I couldn’t stop her from following in my footsteps.

“I failed her.” The words burn like acid on my tongue as tears gather behind my eyes.

Noah grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to look at him. “Listen to me. You did not fail her. You’re the reason she’s going to be ok. You are her anchor in the storm.”

My chest constricts as I stare into his blue eyes.

“Let me be your anchor now. You’ve been so strong all day, baby. Give me your burdens.”

It’s almost like my soul was waiting for permission to fall apart. And I do, but Noah’s right there to catch me as the tears come tumbling down.

“She’s so young. She has her whole life ahead of her. Now she’s going to be bogged down with diapers and formula and so much worry. God. All I did that first year was worry. All the time. Is she eating enough? Is she sleeping enough? Am I loving her enough to make up for not having a father?”

His palm runs up my back and back down in soothing strokes. “If you could talk to sixteen-year-old Clio, what would you tell her?”

“Oh god.” I let out a watery laugh. “I’d tell her to stop worrying so much, then I’d look her in the eyes and tell her what Aunt Penny told me. All you have to do is love her. Everything else will work itself out.”

“Aunt Penny was your blueprint, wasn’t she?”

“She was incredible. I wish you could’ve met her.” Fragments of the past snap into place like a complex puzzle, piecing together an image of a full, beautiful life that ended far too soon. “I miss her.”

“She would be so proud of you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” His warm breath ruffles my hair. “Because I am. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met, Clio. You’ll get through this, and we’ll help Lexi every step of the way.”

I tip my head up and steal his mouth for a lazy kiss, the salty taste of my tears dancing on my tongue. His thumb glides over my cheekbone, and he pulls back, resting his forehead against mine. Three words slip into my consciousness, but I don’t dare say them out loud. Not now. I need him, and if I say it, there’s a chance he’ll vanish into thin air. Everything is temporary, after all. So, I’ll lie to myself and hold onto these moments while I have them, because my heart is already gone, but I can’t let Noah walk away with it.

It took some convincing to get Lexi out of the house for the first time in a week. I spoke to her teachers, and we took a short leave of absence, but it’s time to get back to reality. The world isn’t going to stop turning just because we hit the pause button on our lives.

Prom is right around the corner, and we’ve procrastinated ourselves into a bit of a pickle. As my sister would say, pickles are great until you’re in one. Now we’re strolling down Second Avenue toward Wisteria Bridal in search of a prom dress at the eleventh hour.

When we arrive, my sister is already browsing the racks with both her sisters-in-law. I figured Lexi could use a hype squad, and nobody does that better than the Hayes women.

The shop is divided into sections for bridal styles, bridesmaid dresses, and formalwear. It has an airy, almost coastal feel, with pale pink walls and driftwood accents. Beside a row of changing rooms with curtains, there’s an alcove of mirrors with a pedestal in the center and a bank of seating facing it.

Callie instantly envelopes Lexi in a tight hug, giving me a sympathetic smile over her shoulder. She pulls back and palms Lexi’s shoulders. “I brought reinforcements.”

Angelina saunters over with a mass of flouncy fabrics draped over her arm, her baby bump leading the way. She’s eight months into her second pregnancy and still annoyingly beautiful. “Pastels will be perfect with your coloring.” She holds up a yellow floral dress and zhuzhes Lexi’s blonde hair. “See? Stunning.”