Page 119 of Touch of Class

“Yes, but I’ve been told that when I start to overthink or over plan or blow things out of proportion, I could just not. Apparently, it is possible to make a choice about whether or not I want to see situations as crises. I’m also told I can choose to have faith in my people, or maybe in myself and our capability to handle whatever comes our way.”

“Oh really?” Daphne planted her tongue in her cheek. “Someone mentioned all that, did they?”

“I’m still not totally clear on the details, but we’ve been pretty resilient up until this point, so I’m willing to entertain the possibility that it’s not necessary or even advantageous to freak out proactively. Maybe I could save those skills for situations when I absolutely need them.”

“I kind of like that policy,” Daphne nodded slowly. “No anticipatory freak-outs. Zero freak-out at all until absolutely necessary.”

Gillian wavered slightly. “Zero is a very low number. I’m not claiming to have mastered the methodology yet. There may be flaws in the reasoning, or more likely in me and my implementation, but I’m banking on a lot of grace from this woman who mentioned this morning that it’s okay to not have all the answers all the time.”

“Uh-oh.” Now Daphne turned playful. “I didn’t mean to give you the wrong idea. I’m actually not okay with you not having all the answers all the time.”

Gillian arched one perfect eyebrow.

“It’s way more than okay. I prefer it. In fact, I kind of love it. And I kind of love you, too.”

“Kind of?”

“Okay, totally.” She snagged Gillian with an arm around her waist and pulled her close until their bodies pressed together. “You admitting you don’t have all the answers might be the most perfect thing you’ve ever said.”

“Perfect? I just admitted so many imperfections.”

“And I love you for it.” The big emotion surged through Daphne with a consuming ferocity. “I love you for being this open and vulnerable and present, and because you put yourself through this for me. Gillian, I always thought you were too perfect to be real, but now I see you’re the most perfect when you are real.”

Then she kissed her.

Thoroughly, completely, and entirely giving herself over to this moment, to this woman.

Like so many things between them, the kiss started slowly, then picked up in both pace and passion. Without a word or even a fully coherent thought, Daphne took a few steps backward, pulling Gillian with her, and did a trust fall onto the bed.

Still mouth to mouth, they rolled so they faced each other, arms and legs tangled together as kissing turned to making out, then edged toward something more.

As Gillian slipped a hand under her shirt and skilled fingers brushed against her skin, Daphne had a sudden flash of awareness.

“Wait.” She eased back only far enough to see her eyes, but still close enough to feel warm breath against her neck. “You said you had two conversations, one with Maura. Who was the other one with?”

“Um, fencing, sports, sorry …” Gillian blinked a few times, her pupils retracting as if trying to focus on something other than her own arousal. “Let me try again. I kept my meeting with Lauren and Jess to talk about the possibility of working with them.”

“And?” Daphne held her breath.

“And it’s kind of a disaster.”

She grimaced. “You’re not going to do it?”

“No, I am.” Gillian laughed. “That’s the disaster, the death knell to the five-year plan, because I’ll have to create something from nothing. Turns out I don’t want to go back to academia. Maybe I haven’t for a long time, but without knowing what I wanted to do instead, it was hard to admit.”

“And what do you want instead?”

“You.” Gillian kissed her again. “You’ve been such a challenge to my entire worldview, and I feel more alive than I have in a long time. I guess I’m reaching for more of that. I want a full life. I want to keep building things from scratch like I built this practice. I want to take on projects that excite me and be around people who inspire me, and to answer your question from earlier, I do want a family.”

Daphne’s heart kicked her ribs with great force. “You do? You’re not just saying it because I pushed you?”

“I’m definitely saying it because you pushed me, but that doesn’t make it any less true.” Gillian pressed her forehead to Daphne’s tenderly. “I don’t know how it’ll all work out, or how we’ll work together, but I want us to, and I trust that I can figure it out, because you’re with me and you’re amazing at figuring things out. If you can make a queer family and a snuggery work, I think you can probably do good things with me, too.”

“I can,” Daphne said emphatically. “I know I can, and I guess we both did some growing today, because I’m not sure I would’ve had this kind of faith in myself earlier, but you’ve hired some great therapists. Tegan convinced me I shouldn’t shy away from my strengths, either. I think they go great with yours, and I want to build something with you, too.”

“Tegan talked to you about a relationship with me?” Gillian smiled wistfully. “That’s a bit of a full-circle moment. Remind me to give her a raise … just kidding, I always pay a fair wage, and I have a great benefits package.”

“Of course you do,” Daphne laughed. “So many benefits.”