PROLOGUE
London, 1927
They call me Mrs Dracula now. Once more I’m relegated to being ‘the Wife’, this time, to my husband’s fictional creation. As I look back over the years, it’s fair to say I’ve endured my share of monsters and unquiet spirits, all while striving to keep them at bay.
Ever since I married Bram on that chill December morn in Dublin, everything I’ve done has been in service to my marriage, to support my husband, his thankless labours for another, his dogged efforts to make a name for himself through his writing.
Surely, the choices I made, what I sacrificed, the secrets I kept, must be worth something too? If not, then what was it all for?
This is why I must ensure Bram’s legacy: to prove that as his wife, his widow, my life also had meaning. It’s all I want now.
That, and to forgive him.
And, perhaps, in doing so, forgive myself.
PART ONE
1876 to 1878
Build our castles in the air
Some day women must learn their own strength, as well as they have learned their own weakness. They are taught this latter from their cradles up; but no one ever seems to teach them wherein their power lies.
Bram Stoker, The Man
CHAPTER ONE
Dublin, Christmas Day 1876
Flurries of snow danced and twirled outside the bedroom window, turning the entire streetscape and the park opposite into a magical stage where tiny white ballerinas pirouetted. In the distance, church bells tolled merrily and the faint shouts of locals extending festive greetings rang out. Under normal circumstances, I’d have been beside my youngest sister Alice atop the window seat, face pressed against the glass, marvelling at the glistening vista, admiring the twinkling Christmas trees and candles in nearby windows, and pointing out which of our neighbours was abroad this lovely morn. Instead, I was staring critically at my reflection as my eldest sister, Phillippa, fussed and brushed, trying to style my unruly hair. It was important I looked perfect: it was Christmas Day and Oscar had sought my parents’ permission to escort me to the morning service at St Patrick’s cathedral. I was only eighteen and propriety must be observed, after all.
Much to my surprise, Mother agreed. Father (bless him) would have had little say in the matter. Absent for much of my life, having been mostly stationed in Bombay while I was growing up, my older sisters and I used to refer to him as ‘the unicorn’, so rare were sightings. Mother had virtually raised we seven surviving Balcombes single-handedly. Well, with help from our long-suffering cook, Mrs Gallagher, and the various maids who flitted in and out of our lives and left us broken-hearted when they moved on. Sometimes I’d see an expression on Father’s face as he regarded us that was a mixture of wonder and horror, as if he couldn’t quite work out how we all came to be here. When Mother saw it, she’d drop a kiss on his balding pate, pat his shoulder soothingly, and pass him his pipe.
Ordinarily, Mother (and indeed Father) wouldn’t have entertained the notion I desert the family Christmas morn – that was sacrosanct – let alone with a young man. But Oscar had become an exception to many established rules since he’d entered our lives. Able to charm with a smile, draw conversation from my usually taciturn father and coax a laugh from Mother, he enchanted all who came into his orbit. A smitten Kitten, Phil called me, deploying her nickname for me in a not unkind way. Of all my siblings, only Phil remained reserved about Oscar. I understood why. Older than me, her heart had been broken many times; so much so, she’d sworn off men. Not wanting me to know the agony of unrequited love, she declared herself the guardian of my affections. Hence, she had bullied my brothers James and Billy into acting as chaperones for this outing. The boys objected, in the way that only brothers can – loudly and long, trying to make the arrangement transactional.
‘We won’t open the presents until after luncheon,’ assured Mother, appeasing them somewhat. ‘And,’ she added, ‘if you go with Florrie and Oscar, then you’re exempt from attending the midnight service on Christmas Eve.’
The boys let out a whoop of joy (Father Bowan’s sermons were famous for being tedious), earning a severe frown from Father. ‘Not you, Florence,’ said Mother quickly. ‘You’ll be coming with us, so wipe that smile off your face.’
I couldn’t erase it now. Phil had done a marvellous job of arranging my thick chestnut curls. A few more pins, and the ridiculous little hat that matched the powder blue gown I’d finally selected would be secure. On the bed behind me lay all the other frocks I’d rejected – two of Phil’s hand-me-downs, her best, and one of Maude’s. All had been patched and mended so many times, it was a miracle the seams didn’t unravel. Phil said she’d tidy them away after I left. I really had made a mess of our usually orderly bedroom. It was one of the reasons I was so glad I shared with Phil and not Maude, Catherine or Alice – they were terribly disorganised, to put it mildly. I watched Phil concentrating, a pin clenched between her lips, her deft hands selecting a jaunty angle for my headwear.
‘He’s here!’ squealed Alice, making both me and Phil jump. To my dismay, Alice swept the curtain aside and, uncaring she’d be seen, struck the glass and waved frantically at the street below. ‘Oscar!’ she shouted. ‘Oscar!’
‘Alice!’ I exclaimed, trying to sit still, even as my chest filled with butterflies. Butterflies, bees, and a murmuration of starlings. ‘Move away from the window, now.’
‘Too late. He’s seen her,’ said Maude, who’d been quietly reading on the other window seat. She beckoned me over.
Cautiously, I approached the window, certain I couldn’t be seen behind the lace curtain. There on the street below, just alighting from a glossy carriage, was Oscar, who raised his hat and smiled in my direction. My heart did that thing it always did whenever I saw him; took off like a falcon in flight, making it difficult to breathe, let alone think. Tall, handsome in a louche sort of way, with deep-set eyes, skin like alabaster and a mobile mouth with lips just made for kissing (so Maude said), I could hardly believe my good fortune that this man had set his sights on me. As the third of Lieutenant Colonel James Balcombe’s daughters, I might have been educated, admired for my looks, and full of dreams and ambitions (Father blamed the novels and poetry I read voraciously) that had me chafing at the restraints life imposed, but I was also, like the rest of the family, penniless. Marriage to a man with wealth and prospects was my best, indeed only, hope of changing my destiny. I was pragmatic enough to understand that unlike Mr Oscar Wilde, I was no catch. Yet, here he was, behaving in the manner of a suitor … with me.
He stood in the softly falling snow, casually brushing flakes from his coat with a languorous hand, head tilted towards his audience, before he replaced his hat and strode to the front door. There was a rat-a-tat-tat, the echo of footsteps, raised voices, and laughter.
A mixture of pride and longing filled my chest. From the first time I met Oscar at one of his mother’s rather quirky afternoon soirees where all Ireland’s intelligentsia and artistes loved to assemble, Oscar had made his interest in me evident. Over the following six months, despite being absent from Dublin a great deal, as he was either studying at Oxford or gadding about London, he’d sent a torrent of beautifully composed letters, snippets of poetry he’d composed and copies of clever tracts he’d published, inviting my opinion. Naturally, I responded to all his missives immediately and ardently, keeping every single one he’d sent tied with a lavender ribbon and hidden in a special box under Phil’s and my bed. He’d even done a lovely sketch of me and gifted a watercolour of his family’s country house, Moytura, down in County Mayo. I cherished them all.
Each letter he wrote, each gift he bestowed, was greeted with increasing levels of excitement by Mother and Maude. I didn’t dare express my feelings on the matter – not then – but when my family, and Oscar’s, as well as our neighbours, started referring to us as ‘stepping out’, it was hard not to feel a frisson of warmth, hope, and so much more.
There was not one person in my family who didn’t think that today’s rendezvous with Oscar, even if it was to church, didn’t portend something serious in the future.
‘Lord! Is that the time?’ I gasped. ‘Quick, quick. Do I look alright? Phil? Maude? Are my cheeks too pale? My lips? Oh, should I have worn the lilac gown?’