Page 89 of Drive Me Crazy

The sun sneaks through thebillowing curtains across the room as I lay in Ridge's arms, the utter definition of perfection. His love for me has never wavered, cementing it for the both of us.

The thought of it catches my breath, and I gasp. Hoping for it is nothing more than a dream, when it comes true, life crawls from its ugly recesses and reminds you of your darkest secrets.

That's when realization aches deep in my bones and I have to admit... I'm out of time.

I ease from the warmth of his arms, slipping into the bathroom, so I can pull myself together. I clinch to the sides of the sink, steadying myself as my heart pounds in my ears, throwing me off balance.

"Just do it, he deserves the truth and waiting any longer will only hurt you both in the end." I stare at my reflection in the mirror, imprinting the memory from last night so it will never leave me or my heart.

"Because as soon as I tell you, you're never gonna stay." Drying my face, I take one last long drag of air into my lungs. It may be the last time I get to breathe.

I swing the door open, looking toward the bed where I left him just moments ago. He's not there. Panic-stricken, I search the room quickly, only to find him in the chairs by the window.

He's facing the tree house, staring into the vastness. His elbows rest on his knees, hands clasped in front of him. As selfish as it is, all I can think of is losing him and what it's going to do to me.

Without a doubt, he knows.

"Were you ever gonna tell me, Harper?" His voice cracks on my name, breaking my heart into a million shared pieces.

I wrap my arms around my stomach, trying to hold myself together. "Yes."

"Didn't you think I'd notice? I know your body better than anyone. My hands have touched every inch of you." His voice is inaudible, quivering with each word.

Unbelievable! My only words about the mess I've put him in is, yes? What in the hell, Harper! Say something. Anything is better than one word. String together all the things you've wanted to say but couldn't find the courage.

I walk toward him, he's unmoving. As I round the seat, I'm wracked with the devastation written all over him. His face wet with tears, his body shaking with disbelief.

"I've wanted to tell you. I couldn't find the words. No matter how many times I tried, they wouldn't come, Ridge." I press my hand to my mouth, praying my sobs don't escape.

"And the words, I'm pregnant, never entered your mind?" His face contorts, followed by his breath hitching. I clutch my chest, willing my heart not to leap from it and run away.

I fall into the chair behind me, collapsing under the weight of it all. "I couldn't bring myself to say it. Uttering the words made it real, I had had enough of real for a lifetime, Ridge."

He turns on me, his face red with hurt and anger. "And you don't think I have?"

"Oh, God, no. I couldn't stop thinking about the way this would affect you. Please understand, I couldn't bring myself to hurt you again." I plead with him to see me, not only hear my words.

"But it's the exact opposite of what you did! Not just to me, but to us!" He hammers his chest with his fist, pummeling me with every hit.

My shoulders slump as my chest conclaves and I'm buried beneath the mountain I've built between us. "I couldn't face it."

"It or me? Because from where I'm sitting, you faced this every day and had every chance to talk to me! But that's the thing with us, we don't talk. Of all the things that connect us, I suppose talking has never been one of them." He runs his hand over his face, drying it.

"I didn't know how to tell you. Actually, I didn't want to tell you, so I put it out of my mind." I twist my lip, trying not to bite it.

"So, you forgot to mention it? Did you think it would just go away or did you plan on something worse, maybe an accident?" With no warning, his words smack me across the face, adding injury to an already battered soul.

"Never, and to have you think that of me, hits me harder than he ever did." I lash out, not wanting to cause more damage but needing to protect myself. To cut deeper than any wound can heal from.

I hit my mark by the look of horror on his face.

"And because that's your opinion of me, is the reason we never worked to begin with. I love you, and this baby no matter how it got here." He stands, wandering to the door. "I never imagined anything would ever come between us, but I suppose, I didn't see you coming to do it either."

The echo rings throughout the room as the door shuts behind him. In that moment, I die. Falling to pieces, I end up in a puddle on the floor. Lying there as all my hopes and dreams bleed out by my hand.

I'm cemented to the spot, unwilling to move, as the last few hours play over and over in my mind. I can see where it all went wrong, and why he left.

I didn't even try to tell him to open up and bring him into my world. I wanted nothing to come between us, so I did. I placed the perfect storm into our path and watched as we self-destructed.