Page 68 of Rumor Has It

--What time?

Six?

--Six it is.

See you then.

--Always.

There is it, the one word that brings me to my knees. The two most important syllables I’ve ever heard uttered to me, and the ones that have saw me through my life.

Boone started saying it to me when my dad, Kenny, got in a car accident not long after losing my mom. I was thirteen, Boone and I had been friends for years at that point.

His dad has been a long-standing customer to my dad and grandpa, so it was a given we’d become friends because we spent so much time together at the garage. He rode his bike across town to me when he heard about my dad.

I’ll never forget watching him climb up the trellis to my window. It was the first time I had a boy in my room, and he’s been the only one. He stood there, either panicked or dazed for a minute.

Maybe he was just working up the courage, but when he flung his arms around me, I cried in earnest. It was the first and last time I mourned my mother. I think it all hit me at once. Our family was never the same after losing Mom.

Boone held me for the longest time, letting me get everything out of my system. At some point, we ended up on the floor, leaning against the foot of my bed. Me, in his arms.

That was when it happened. I tried to speak, only I couldn’t. Words failed me, and my mind wouldn’t stop long enough to find them. I wanted— needed—to tell him how much I needed him, what he meant to me, that I never wanted to leave his side… That I loved him.

Yes, I swear to you, I loved him then as I love him now. I glimpsed at him and lost all capabilities to tell him everything I was feeling. Not because I didn’t understand them; it was the very opposite of it.

I knew damn well he was it for me. I would never love another man the way I loved Boone. I gasped in recognition of what it meant to feel so deeply for someone and how it hurt to lose them.

I couldn’t tell him I loved him because I was paralyzed with the fear. If loving someone hurt this much when they leave, I was afraid it would happen to us. I wouldn’t risk it, I couldn’t; not him.

That was when Boone took control, watching over me so I’d never get hurt or have to feel alone ever again. His eyes locked with mine as they poured every emotion I wanted to say into me.

His lips parted, releasing the sweetest words anyone could hear. “Always.”

I never looked back because my heart was home. It’s counter point was found, and I sat in awe of his love for me. No other words were spoken as he tucked me into his side and stayed by mine.

Loving me. Always.

Sleep evades, and I sit as the sun rises, in my memories and heart ache. Boone has been such a big part of my life. I’ve loved him since I can remember, but telling him everything today is going to take its toll on us.

“By the end of the day, I may lose him forever.” Even now, the words disturb me so much so that my heart wants to stop, seizing with no will to beat. “It’s what has to be done, for them both.”

I fail at the attempt of drying my face by the time I hear her closing in on me. I snub, dragging in a deep breath to calm my nerves when she pops around the chair.

“Mornin’, Momma.”

I hold my blanket open so she can climb in next to me. “Good morning, beautiful.”

She studies my face, worrying her lip. “Why have you been crying?”

“I’ve been thinking, and it’s time we had a talk.” I take a deep breath, working out my nerves. “I need you to tell me how you felt yesterday when Boone and I argued.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Not good… He made you cry. I got scared when you both started yelling at each other.”

“I bet.” My stomach knots. “I hate you heard it.”

She bites her lip, pausing. “Did h-he hurt you?”

“No, not the way you might think.” I rub her back. This is the one thing I don’t want to mess up, and deciding how much to say and what is difficult. “My heart hurts, but for both of us. Boone would never hurt either of us, on the outside. I hurt his heart too, so it was hard for us to see each other and talk about our feelings.”