Page 58 of Rumor Has It

By the time I realize it’s the bay door closing, my eyes lock with Rumor’s, and she drops her head as Ridge pulls her close. I cover my face, my world disintegrating beneath me, and all I can do is stand here under his barrage.

“FINE! Hate me! If it makes you feel any better, I hate myself more than you ever could.” Pounding my chest with every word, I pray my heart will restart at some point. Hoping all of this isn’t irreparable. That’s when I realize, half the town is watching us as we destroy each other. “But I’ll be damned if I stand by and let you hate yourself or her any longer.”

“You know nothing about me. I’ve never hated her or how she got here. I reserved that for the both of you.” His mouth smashes into a thin line, but his venom filled words hit their mark.

I slump, my shoulders unable to carry anymore and the weight unbearable. “I messed up, I know I did. I was eighteen with no clue what the hell I was doing or if it would ever work out. I was wrong. I hope and pray you never have to pay for your mistakes, the way I have mine.”

“You definitely screwed a couple of us, that’s for sure.” Boone’s words cut me so deep, they’re immeasurable. His face is that of a tortured soul, mirroring my own in so many ways. The breach so wide, we may never get across it again.

My head drops, unable to face him another minute. “I knew, deep down, you hated me. But I had no idea how much until now, this is brutal. You may think I deserve it, I don’t know, maybe I do. Yeah, I suppose I do.”

“I loved you, and you broke us.”

My eyes snap to his when his voice cracks. I’m so empty, I feel as though I’ve been gutted and my heart removed. I search his face, hoping to find a shred of life, or at least a sign of hope. Everything is gone.

I’ve known from the minute I decided to leave, I’d live with regret and until this moment, I thought losing him was the worst of it. Faced with the torment, and destruction I left him in, I know they were right. I never deserved him.

“Always.” I mutter the only words left in my heart, the one that matters most to me before turning my back on him. This time, it’s because he pushed me away.

This time, I walk away.

My heart is so heavy, I trudge into the shop and drag my battered soul in for respite. The room spins, and I lose my balance, but I catch myself before I crash to the floor. But shouldn’t I be there to be walked on and thrown away?

It’s so late, the shop is practically empty, and the streets have few people on them now. Although, there were plenty of witnesses to the destruction that just took place. I suppose they’re off to find dinner after the show.

“Mack…” I hear Ridge, but he’s nothing more than an echo.

A faint voice, calling me back to the here and now. The one place I don’t want to be. I turn, facing him. He opens his arms, and I collapse into them, finding little solace. How can I break this damn thing twice in one life?

I fist his shirt, screaming into his chest. “Dear God, what have I done?” My mind is reeling, and I feel as though I’m burning for all of my sins

“Shhh, you have to calm down. Come on, Mack. Boo needs you to pull yourself together.” Ridge wraps his arms around me, giving me the protection I need, but have done little to deserve. For her.

The mere mention of her name drags me from hell. I find the will to stand, as I did before. For her, I’d walk through it all over again. I straighten my shirt, picking hair off my tear-soaked face.

“I’m okay,” I mutter, wiping my nose so I can breathe again. “I’ve got it, I’m good.”

Rumor peeks around the corner, hesitant to come to me. “Momma?”

I squat, opening my arms. She runs full throttle into them, locking hers behind my head when I pick her up. “We’re going to the house.”

“I’ll lock up, meet you there in a few.” Ridge’s mouth is set, but he offers a smile. I shake my head as the last of my tears escape.

“No, we’re fine.” I back away, turning toward my truck. I hold my daughter close to my heart, willing all of those words out of her mind and her heart. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Who was that? Why was he mad at you?” Her little voice breaks with a snub as she presses her face into my neck.

“No one I remember. That wasn’t my Boone. Maybe he never was.”

“I’m sorry he made you cry.” She pats my back.

“I’m sorry I made you cry.” I set her down, knowing she’s too big to be carried, but I felt she needed the comfort. I hate letting her go, but I could stand to have the load taken off me; although some would say, I deserve to carry it for life.

She tilts her head, gripping my hand. “Where are we going?”

“Back home.” I hold the door open for her.

She nods. “Yes, let’s go back to Fayetteville. I don’t like this place. Everyone is mean.”