Page 92 of Luci’s Lullaby

I pick at my nail. “I know I’m old-fashioned, but I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“I only feel this way because of you.” He grimaces as soon as he says it.

I’m taken aback. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I’m saying everything wrong.” He rubs the back of his neck. “What I’m wanting to say is that I’m okay with not being a horn dog anymore.”

I stare at him, trying to work out his words. “What the fuck does that mean? It’s easy having me around because you can control yourself?” I race from the couch and make a dash for the bathroom.

“Wait, Charlee!” he growls as I turn the corner.

Tears fill my eyes, I’m so confused. What does he want from me? I’m here. I’m being friends. Then he pulls that shit in the kitchen and decides to tell me he’s found self-control since I’ve been here.

“Hold up.” Alden’s on my heels. “Wait, Charlee. Damn it, woman, why am I always chasing you?”

I whip around to get in his face. “Don’t you dare insult me and then ask me to stay.”

“Insult you? I was talking about me and how I don’t want to be known as a man-whore!” he growls.

“You were? I mean, you don’t?”

“No, Charlee. I don’t think it’s a great idea to be raising a little girl with a revolving door of women in my bed.” He winces. “Excluding you, of course.”

“Of course,” I say snidely.

“Seriously? You’re the one who let me know it wasn’t right,” he argues.

“Me? Because I said I knew you slept around?”

He nods. “In part, yes.”

I’m reeling at this point because I’m still so confused. “I don’t understand, everyone says that about you.” It’s out of my mouth before I realize it, and I can’t take it back.

His face turns into stone. “I know that too. All I wanted to say was that’s not me anymore.” He turns to walk away. “You know, Charlee, you make it damn hard to be a better man when I know you’ll never believe I am.”

I’m dumbstruck. There’s no fixing this. and I wouldn’t even know where to start if I wanted to fix it. “I fucked up.”

Later that night, I’m feeding Luci when I hear Alden’s footsteps getting closer. I want to say something but don’t know where to start. How can I tell him he’s so much more than he even realizes?

How do I tell him I’m falling in love with him?

“Hey, I’m going to bed,” he whispers from behind me.

I turn to look at him. His eyes are on the floor, and he doesn’t even look as he did earlier.

“Alden, please look at me.”

“It’s fine, Charlee. You don’t have anything to worry about. I know I have a lot of work to do for people to be proud of me.” He leans away from the door and finally walks away.

“I’m such an ass.”

I finish feeding Luci, clean her up, and get her to sleep. I peek in on Alden, hesitant to go lay with him. Just as I’m about to shut the door, I hear a sound. I ease closer to the bed and hear it again.

It sounds as though Alden is crying. My heart shatters knowing he’s been trying so hard but can’t seem to get his grounding. I also haven’t forgotten I had a hand in this too.

I sneak into the bed, scooting in behind him. I get against his back and wrap my arm around him. He releases a heavy sigh as I lay my head on his shoulder. His heart races, but he seems to relax.

“I’m sorry.” I have no other words, and he doesn’t need them. He takes my hand, laying it over his heart. His hand never leaves mine. I stay awake, listening as his breathing slows and his body goes limp.

Alden falls asleep in my arms.