Page 86 of Changing Lanes

Torrie looks horrible, she’s so distraught about this mess we’ve made of our lives. I’m as much responsible as she is, why is she carrying all the blame? Truth be told, it’s all my fault. Seriously, what asshole gets two girls pregnant? Me.

“Torrie, you did nothing wrong, baby. This was far from your fault.” I want to hold her for all the times I didn’t. For me.

“But… I didn’t tell you. You don’t even know his name.” Her tears fall fast and hard as her lips tremble. My heart breaks for her.

“Do you want to tell me?” Please, tell me. I’m dying over here to be close to you, here and now.

She nods. “Adan Winston O’Hurley.” She sniffles. “I hope it was okay I gave him your last name. And Adan is Irish.”

God love this girl’s heart, so broken but still thinking of everyone else. “Oh, baby. It’s perfect.” The irony of the fact Adan is the brother to Andi doesn’t escape me.

“You think?” She wipes her tears as they fall, I want to hold her.

“I do. I will never forgive myself for not being there, Torrie. Too damn stubborn to call, too worried about what you would say to me after I walked away. I’m sorry. God above knows how sorry I am, baby.” Trying to be strong for her, I hold back my tears. But one look at her, they fall.

I grip the couch, trying to not touch her until she tells me I can. “You couldn’t have stopped it, I wasn’t meant to have him.”

“Torrie, you would’ve been a fantastic mother.” She shakes her head. “Ask Andi. She tells me every day, she wishes you were her momma.” Bowing my head, I try to calm myself. I’m here for Torrie.

When her hand finds my face, I lean into it. It’s such a comforting feeling. I lift my head and my eyes lock on hers. I can’t take another minute, I scoop her up in my arms. Sitting her in my lap, I wrap my arms around her.

Torrie releases a sob she has repressed nearly ten years. There’s no more fighting, no more anger.

In the middle of her living room floor, we lose our son together but find each other once again. We lay there, forgetting the world, just the two of us. Torrie’s whimpering demolishes any thoughts of my hurt, my woman needs me to be strong.

Her strength has been unimaginable. Women are curious, mystical creatures. We should be indebted to them for even considering taking us on. She is the epitome of strength and beauty. I stand in awe of her determination to not give up, to not walk away from everyone who’s hurt her.

Every time you think a woman is beyond repair, put her family against the wall. Her strength will rise from the ashes.

Picking her up, I carry her to the bathroom. Sitting her on the sink, I grab a washcloth, wetting it for her face. She tries to take it from me, but I refuse. Taking my time, I run the cloth over her face, moving pieces of her hair as I do it.

“There’s my girl.” Bending to catch her eyes, I’m awarded a small smile. “Hi, baby.” I kiss her on the forehead before carrying her back to the living room.

“You do know, I can walk,” she chides me.

“I do know.” I smirk. “Are you hungry? Or do you feel like talking some?”

Shrugging, she gives me no answer. “I don’t know.”

“What do you need?” She shrugs again. “Torrie, if you’re waiting for me to forgive you, I can’t.”

She stares at me. “You can’t? I knew it. I don’t blame you.”

“No. There’s nothing to forgive. You did what I did, you took care of things. I hate I wasn’t there, but it can’t be fixed now. I’m sorry you went through it alone, to think you felt as though you couldn’t tell me; well that’s on me.

“I made a mess out of this, Torrie. I didn’t have to leave, I could’ve waited or even come found you. I was angry, like you, that we were torn apart. As much as I like to blame your father, it was our fault it happened,” I explain.

“I know. I’ve been angry with everyone for so long, I’ve forgotten how not to be. It was easier to hate myself and blame both of you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Torrie’s tears begin falling again.

I hesitate but then ask, “How far along were you?”

“Twenty weeks. There was so much blood, that’s why I was in the hospital an extra day.” I nod as she wipes her face.

“I can’t imagine you being alone, it breaks my heart.” Hugging her to me, tears fill my eyes.

“After, I was numb for the longest time.” Her voice quivers.

“I should’ve come found you,” I say, kissing her forehead.