Page 26 of Every Eligible Man

Ash vaults in first, hauling me after him. Slade dives through the door, Bastard somehow already inside and claiming the best seat.

Susan is clinging to my shoulder, chittering mournfully.

Gerald is still in the castle.

"Gerald," I gasp, looking back. "We left Gerald."

"Gerald is a casualty of war!" Slade yanks the door shut. "We'll mount a rescue operation!"

"Gerald is alone and scared,” I shout.

"Gerald is a sociopath who once bit a priest! He'll be fine!"

The first chime of midnight rings out across the castle grounds.

DONG.

The carriage lurches forward, Murder and Violence galloping like their temporary existence depends on it. Which it does.

DONG.

Ash's second boot, the one he's wearing, explodes off his foot, reverting instantly to a massive, mud-caked work boot. It tumbles out the carriage window into the night.

"Shit."

"Leave it!" Slade grabs his arm. "Small price!"

DONG.

Slade's doublet shimmers and begins to shrink, threads pulling tight across his shoulders. He rips it off and throws it aside, suddenly shirtless.

"This is undignified."

"This is Tuesday for us!" I cackle, slightly hysterical, my own shirt now completely transparent and fading fast.

DONG.

Behind us, through the carriage's rear window, I see Cinder burst onto a balcony. Sheet clutched to her chest. Voice carrying across the night: "I'll find you! Every eligible man in the kingdom! They'll all…"

She pauses. I see her look down at something.

"There's a ferret in the antechamber! Is this yours?!"

"Gerald!" I scream out the window. "I'm sorry! Daddy will come back for you!"

Susan lets out a mourning chitter against my neck.

I might be crying. Just a little. It's fine. Everything is fine.

DONG.

The carriage wheels are now actively square. That shouldn't be possible but here we are.

Murder and Violence have shrunk to the size of ponies. Then large dogs. Then…

"We're losing the horses!" One-Eye reports grimly, flapping alongside the increasingly ridiculous vehicle. "They're almost mice again!"

"How far to the farm?!"