Page 104 of Damián

“I’m serious, we haven’t had sex.”

“You haven’t?!” asks Leif, surprised.

“This is a mission, Leif, not a dating app,” I say, and they both look at me like, really? “Okay, I don’t know… We’ve been taking it slow.”

Björn bursts out laughing. “I’m sorry, I just think the irony is just… wow. You’ve spent your entire life seeking relationships based on sex and running away from anyone who wants feelings, and now the relationship you’re fighting to keep has nothing to do with sex and is all about feelings.”

“Ugh… when you put it like that.” I groan because Björn is right.

The fucking irony is almost comical.

“And what’s the problem?” Leif asks after getting a cold coffee from the fridge and coming back to his couch. “It sounds like you are doing great.”

“And we were, until I fucked up…”

“He really did,” Björn nods beside me.

“We had oral for the first time, and he looked incredible. I felt so comfortable that I just cuddled him and fell asleep.” I glare at Leif. “Which is entirely your fault, by the way. You’re the one who told me that cuddling after an orgasm binds the soul.”

“You were trying to bind his soul? Kinky.”

“Not the fucking point, Björn.” I turn back to the screen. “It was the first time I’ve ever spent the night with someone. Between that and the fact that I wasn’t prepared, and knowing it could’ve completely fucked up the mission, I panicked. I jumped up, started getting dressed like a crazy person, and blurted out that I fucked up. He took it—”

“As if you meant being with him was the screw-up.” Leif guesses perfectly, and I nod. “Did you try to explain?”

“I didn’t get the chance. He got incredibly defensive.” I check the computer and see the USB is now extracting information.

Good.

“He probably thought you were just blowing him off. He’s definitely not used to his hookups doing that.”

“Maybe… but this felt more personal, like this hit him like an intense rejection and not just a bruised ego. He’s not even answering my texts.”

“Then give him space, and when you meet again, you explain all this.”

“And?” I ask, hoping to hear the magical part where Leif will explain to me how to fix the unfixable.

“And that’s it,” he says, and I am dumbfounded.

“You’re fucking kidding.”

“I’m not kidding, Dami. Just communicate your feelings, tell him you were scared, and then push him against another wall if you want.”

“That sounds… a little too easy,” I mumble.

“Relationships are easier than most people make them out to be. You just need empathy, patience, and communication.”

“Okay, I admit that was way simpler than what I thought,” says Björn, and I nod in agreement.

“Same.”

And then my brain decides this is the perfect moment to unlock a new fear. Fuck… “But… even if we fix things and go back to touching each other, or even just having sex… Oliver sleeps with everyone,” I say, and just saying the words ties my stomach into knots. “Even if being with him changed me and made me want more, it’s pretty much impossible that he went through the same change I did.”

Björn pats my back. “Improbable, maybe. But never impossible.”

“Please stop,” I laugh, feeling, for the first time since I left Oliver’s place, as if everything might be okay. “It always freaks me out when you sound mature and deep.”

“That’s what Mor always says,” Leif laughs and Björn flips him the bird.