Page 74 of Run to Me

Need.

I shake my head, which hangs with the weight of my sins. “How? We can’t go back in time, as much as I wish for a do-over.”

“We can,” she insists.

The spark of determination in her gaze has me sitting up straighter. “Explain.”

She places the notebook on the table and laces our fingers together. “Close your eyes.” Trusting her, I do as she says. “Now imagine us on the porch that day. Imagine walking toward me, sitting beside me, asking me how I’m doing.”

Her tone grows softer, threaded with pain as the heartbreak from that day surrounds us. I remember the anger thrumming through her body and, during a moment of weakness, the plea in her trembling voice. I recall the sharp agony ripping through me with every second the sunshine cast a spotlight on the hope fading from her eyes. I remember stealing the last of her belief in love—of her faith in me. The disappointment. God, the disappointment.

My chest heaves in rhythm with my strong regret, and she cups my cheeks to quell the rapid rise of my self-loathing. Then she whispers, “Now imagine us a few years older, sitting on that same bench. Without thinking, say everything you wanted to tell me that day.”

“I love you.” No hesitation. “I’ve loved you since before I knew what love is. It’s different from how I feel about my parents or Jake or my friends. You ground me. Comfort me. I can breathe when you’re around. You’re my best friend. Not Logan or Javi or Trevor. You. When something good happens, you’re the first person I tell. When I’m spiraling in my head, you’re my only salvation. I can’t live without you. One day I’m gonna marry you and give you the loving home you deserve. The one you should’ve had all along. I’ll protect you, care for you, and make you smile. Always.” Clearing my throat, I add, “That’s just a little of what I would say.”

With my eyes closed, Maisy Donovan presses her lips to mine. This time, I don’t push her away. I reach for her face, absorbing her tears through my fingertips. Our lips part, and our tongues glide in a slow dance of awakening. This kiss, teeming with honesty and surrender, marks a union decades in the making. She’s giving herself to me. Not out of lust, but out of the love she’s afraid to admit exists. In eager acceptance, I draw her to my chest, never willing to let go again.

I want her. All of her. But if she’s only willing to part with a kiss tonight, I’ll treasure the gift.

When she pulls away from me, I groan at the loss of her lips, chasing them with mine.

“Open your eyes,” she whispers. We gaze into each other’s souls as her eyes glisten with remorse. “I’m so sorry. I’ve always been sorry and regretted my decision as soon as I slammed the door on you. Running away—staying away—was easier than admitting my mistake or dealing with the hurt. I blamed you for everything, but I was wrong. I never should’ve put you in that position. And I had no right to punish you for being honorable and doing the right thing.”

“I’ve only wanted to do right by you, even if my actions hurt us. But I never expected you to cut me off like you did.”

“I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. Can you forgive me?”

I caress her curls before palming her cheek. “I forgave you the second you walked away because I could only be angry with myself. I was scared. A coward. And I’m the one who should beg for forgiveness here. If I had given you what you needed, we wouldn’t have lost so much time.”

The pressure from her hand on the back of my neck urges us closer. “Let’s put it behind us. Start fresh.”

“Are you done being stubborn?” I ask.

“Yes.”

Her whispered response caresses my lips, and I claim her mouth once again, passing all the unspoken words of forgiveness, adoration, and worship from my tongue to hers. She slips her fingers into my hair, and I harden beneath her, coaxing a whimper from her when she grinds against my erection. I run my hands along the dip of her waist and wrap them around her ribs, just below her breasts.

“There’s no starting over or starting fresh for us. We’re exactly where we belong. But there’s one more confession I need to hear from you.” Lightly brushing my thumbs across her pebbled nipples, I ask, “Does your body crave me, birdie? Because mine starves for you.”

“You already know it does,” she replies while rolling her hips, mouth parted as if she’s in a trance.

I’m the one under her spell, a fact she proved in the bathroom at the wedding. She’s utterly irresistible. My biggest weakness and my greatest strength.

I press my forehead to hers, and relief forces my eyelids shut when I exhale. At last, I’m able to drop my carefully constructed facade and be my authentic self with the only person in the world who’s seen every crack in my brittle bones.

“God, I missed you. Every day without you was torture. My own personal hell on repeat from morning to night. I need you, Maisy. So much that I scare myself sometimes.”

“I’m here now, J. And I’ll take care of you.”

When she kisses me, all my demons fall into a peaceful slumber. My mind can finally rest in the serenity I’ve been missing since she banished me.

“I want all the way in,” I say. “Be more than just my friend or the woman in my dreams. Give me all the parts of you, even the ones you fear the most, and have faith that I’ll cherish them.”

She leans away and chews her bottom lip, contemplating her next words. “I’ll let you in, but I have some rules.”

“Rules,” I echo, not liking the sound of the word. At all.

“If we’re gonna explore this, I have hard limits.”