Page 31 of Unmasking Her Shadow

Sam

I kissed a woman.

I kissed a woman and I really fucking loved it.

My heart flutters at the memory of her kissing me back, when she pushed me against the wall and made me feel like I was falling from the stars. That’s something I’ve never experienced before. Too many things need to be done to me to make me feel…lust. But all it took from Kioni was her lips on mine, and I was a goner. Did she kiss me back because she wanted to, or so I wouldn’t be embarrassed?

I so don’t need another mind-fuck right now.

What is happening to me lately? I go from being dissatisfied sexually and working two jobs, to gaining a stalker who gives orgasms a plenty, a third job, and now I apparently like kissing girls. Too much chaos. I grab my weighted blanket from my closet, turn on the same calming sounds I use at the spa, and climb into bed, snuggle under the artificial hug, and pull a sleeping mask over my eyes. It’s comforting to be back in my little bubble.

World—off.

* * *

My face scrunches when the first taste of my coffee hits my tongue. I made it stronger this morning, but this may have me going for a morning run with Cole. I add some milk and honey to calm it down. Honey in coffee is so underrated. Instead of silence when I open my door to step outside, I hear footsteps trotting up my steps. My heart leaps into my throat, but Cole’s figure comes into view and I release a breath. You’d think I’d be used to the scares by now.

“Care if I join you this morning?” he asks, holding his mug up.

Oh, what the hell. This isn’t the weirdest thing that’s happened to me lately. “Sure,” I reply. What’s the worst that can happen?

He sits next to me on my swing and smiles at my disheveled appearance.

“Don’t you dare call me beautiful. I’m not blind and I dislike liars very much.”

He chuckles. “Sam, I’m not sure if there is anything you could do to yourself to make you appear anything less than beautiful.”

I scoff and sip my coffee, staring over the trees for my sunrise to signal a fresh start. Again.

“Can I ask you something?” he asks cautiously.

“After I’ve had my coffee.”

Although I’m looking straight ahead, I can see him in my peripheral vision, smiling and mirroring my gaze. The warm caress of the sun on my skin has my mind swimming back to the warmth of Ki’s hands. Would Shadow’s touch give me the same sensation? I’ve never felt his skin on mine and not sure I ever will.

“Why do you love sunrises so much? They’re pretty and all, but I have a hunch there’s more to it than that,” Cole asks the second he knows my cup is empty.

“Whenever I was having a terrible day, my grandma would always tell me, ‘Just because your problems today make it seem as if the world is ending, the sun will still rise tomorrow and show you just how insignificant they truly were.’”

“She sounds like a smart woman.”

“She was.”

That wasn’t even my favorite one of her pep talks. “Stop dragging around yesterday’s baggage like it’s not a garbage bag full of shit.” Was probably the one that stuck with me the most. Every time I dwelled on something as a child, I imagined a trash bag overflowing with flies and maggots following me around, and that cured it.

“That wasn’t what you were going to ask me though,” I state.

He rests his elbows on his knees and looks down at the wooden planks below his feet. “What did I do?”

He doesn’t elaborate because he doesn’t need to. “It’s nothing you did, Cole. It’s what you didn’t do. And that isn’t even your fault either. There wasn’t a spark between us. I’m sorry if you felt one, but I didn’t.”

If his kiss felt anything like Ki’s, or if his touch felt like Shadow’s, I’d be on my knees for him right now for all to see.

He exhales through his mouth before leaning back. “You’re a hard one to get over, but I guess the sun will rise tomorrow, right?”

We literally had sex one time. This poor man is vagina-tized. I feel a little bad, but it’s not like I did it on purpose.

A window opens, and I jump out of my skin when a masculine, robotic voice yells, “Come back to bed,” from my bedroom window.