Page 2 of Unmasking Her Shadow

“I have an early morning tomorrow,” I whisper, pecking him on the lips one more time before I rise from the uncomfortable floor. It’s not earlier than normal, but it’s the only polite excuse I can come up with.

“Let me walk you to your car,” he rushes out, discarding the condom and pulling up his jeans.

“Okay.” I grin at him and pick up my tights off the floor. He follows me, and when we reach my car, he opens my door. Such a gentleman. Not sure why this doesn’t turn me on. Why does my body crave to be used? To be forced…well…feel like I’m being forced? I kiss his cheek before sliding behind the wheel. He gives me a small wave, and I honk my horn before disappearing around the corner. Will it break his heart when I break up with him, or will he be relieved he doesn’t have to pretend to rape me again? Consensually, of course.

It’s late enough that few people are outside walking around. I pull over and park in front of a random house. Xander got off, but I didn’t. The usual. I wrap my small hand around my throat and squeeze, sliding my other hand under my skirt and rubbing my neglected clit. Why is this so hard to do for someone else? Blue lips are a bad sign. Other than that…take my damn breath away, tie all my moving parts together, bruise me in the best possible way…Just. Make. Me. Come. I’ll survive and I’d be satisfied too.

Getting an idea, I wrap the seat belt around my neck and tighten it the best I can without actually strangling myself. With my now free hand, I pinch my nipple, and the pleasure I was experiencing before Xan took his mask off comes back. My orgasm slams into me and the seat belt cuts off my air when I arch my back.

A wave of calmness washes over me when my climax peaks and I slump back into my seat and remove my fingers from my center. I hesitate for a moment before running my tongue up my glistening fingers, tasting myself. That’s what he would do. The man I made up in my mind that would do everything my body and mind is begging for. I sigh and unwrap the seat belt from my neck and fix my skirt before continuing my drive home.

I always questioned why getting off was so damn difficult. A vibrator does the job well enough, but my orgasms were never powerful. They were more of a quick bliss that faded too fast afterward. That was until I watched a movie with a forced sex scene and my panties became damp with my arousal. Do I want someone to actually rape me? Hell no! I just want to be bound, gagged, choked, and maybe hurt a little while not being able to get away. Forced…consensually.

“Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter bounces off the walls of the steam-filled bathroom while I dance under the spray of water when I get home. It’s well after midnight and I should be in bed, but I need all the stimulation I can get when I’m home. You can’t remain in a constant state of calm without going a tad insane. I spend my days surrounded by calm scents, soft music, and dim lights. I love my jobs, but lately they haven’t been as satisfying. Like there’s a small cloud hovering over me, dimming the sun. The rays that pierce through are only enough to leave me craving more. I’m happy, but I’m…lonely. What’s wrong with me that I can be in a healthy relationship and still be lonely?

When I was finally comfortable enough to tell him what I wanted, he seemed eager to explore the dark side, but it’s one thing to want to do it and another to actually follow through. Sure, I could find someone who doesn’t give a shit about hurting me, like a certain ex, but then there would be no trust. Trust is the only way this works. The last man I was with like this took advantage of me. It was as though I served as his nicotine patch to curb his predatory appetite. Gross. I left him and may have anonymously added him to the creep list on a private social media group for local women. The thing about feeding a stray, though, is that they never want to leave. Since my lease was up at my apartment anyway, I bought a cute house far away from that one, as I had already wanted to. He just expedited my plans.

Sighing, I fall backwards onto my bed, my towel loosening around my chest and hair. I don’t want to live the rest of my life faking orgasms or only having mildly satisfying relations with my vibrator. Maybe I need an exorcism to get this sexual curse removed. Hell, I’d just end up begging the demon that slithers out of me to make me his dirty little pet, so that wouldn’t be very effective. I grab my phone to skip the song to a more lively beat and type how to find a CNC partner in the search bar as a joke. A small ad pops up in the bottom right of my screen. I sit up and my towels fall, exposing my breasts. My wet hair brushes my upper back, sending goosebumps over my skin as my thumb hovers over the enticing words…

SINS — Sin In Secret

Fulfill your fantasy safely.

Explore the desires you keep hidden.

Discreet. Verified. Consensual.

Unlock Your Fantasy

There’s no way this is real. It has to be a scam… right? I abruptly deposit my phone, screen down, on my nightstand so I don’t get too curious and give my phone a virus or allow a hacker into my accounts. This itch I cannot scratch is going to be the death of me. I gather my damp towels and walk to my bathroom naked to finish getting ready for bed. The sound of the blow dryer fills the room, but does nothing to drown out the noise in my head.

I want to love sex. To be satisfied with gentle touches and soft kisses. But a plain old dick just doesn’t do it for me. It’s not like it’s some magical sausage that curbs your appetite. You might as well stroke my cheek. The sensation is basically the same thing if you don’t add a lot of spice and side dishes to go along with the dangling piece of meat.

I spend the next several minutes wrapping my copper-red hair around the ribbon draped across my head until I looked utterly ridiculous. When I slide under my sage green floral comforter and begin sinking into my memory foam mattress, I stare at my phone before tugging the chain on my lamp, hiding the temptation in the darkness. My neglected kitty purrs at the thought of consenting to a complete stranger. I bury my face into the pillow and scream out in frustration. This should not be a turn-on. It should be a turnoff. I should run in the other direction, not willing to submit to a man on an app that may or may not be real. I vividly imagine the scene in my mind, hoping my dream self will have the time of her life behind my eyelids.

2

Sam

The chill of the early morning air has me wrapping my robe around me tighter as I step outside onto my front porch to watch the sunrise. As I sit down with my cup of coffee, the wooden swing creaks, and I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with a crisp breath of fresh air. A new day. I wrap both hands around my mug, watching the sky light up in waves of orange and gold, allowing the heat from the hot liquid to warm my body from the inside out. It’s going to be a good day. I can sense it. Or maybe that’s the coffee talking.

When I saw this house for sale, I fell in love. Nestled just outside the city, it’s close to work, but still has a country feel. Mine is one of the smaller houses on this street with a charming cottage vibe, and when I sit on my front porch looking across the road, all I see is grass and trees. Every house across the street is built diagonally from the others. That way, when you look across the road, it’s peaceful. If whoever owns those empty parcels caves and destroys our paradise here, I’ll be heartbroken. The sun is breathtaking rising above the trees. We get the sunrise; they get the sunset.

Soft thuds get closer and closer until my neighbor is in front of me. My hair is still wrapped around the golden ribbon, in an even bigger mess after sleeping on it all night. I have on a bright yellow robe and fuzzy pink slippers. Everything about my morning appearance screams do not approach, but he never listens. You sleep with a man one time and they think you should be in complete agony without their glorious dick in your life. I tried a one-night stand thinking it would be exciting enough to tame my feral kitty for a while. It didn’t. Now he won’t leave me alone. Maybe I should stop faking my orgasms to get them to hurry and finish and just get up and leave instead. I bet they wouldn’t care to get in my pants again after leaving them with blue balls.

“Good morning, Sam. You are looking beautiful as always,” Cole flirts from the sidewalk, nonchalantly stretching his arms above him to flex his muscles for me.

I want to tell him that no matter how fit and hot he is, he couldn’t even get me off if a murderer held a gun to his head and said his life was tied to my climax. Boom. Instead, I smile and tell him, “Thank you.” It would be easier to tell him to kick rocks if he weren’t so sweet. I have a hard time being mean unless someone is actively being an asshole. Cole has never been unkind to me.

He runs in place, and I ignore him to watch the sky.

“Can I take you to dinner tonight? Unless you are still with that guy who was here a few weeks ago.”

“I—umm—,” I stutter, surprised that he pays that much attention to who is in my driveway and also struggling how to answer my relationship with Xan. Technically, we are still together. I haven’t ended it yet. But I will.

“That solves it. Pick you up at six,” he says and jogs away.

I tear my gaze from the clouds. Gosh dang it! “I have a late class today,” I blurt out to his retreating form. He pauses, and his shoulders slump.