Page 11 of Unmasking Her Shadow

The familiar sound of footsteps pound down the road, but I don’t have the energy to bolt back inside. Cole stops in front of my house, and I wonder if this is just routine for him now.

“How was your date last night?” Cole questions and I perk up.

“Good morning to you too,” I reply, slightly snarky. Who is he to be so damn nosy about my life, and how does he know I had a date? If he’s Shadow, so help me.

“Sorry. Good morning, Sam,” he corrects himself.

“What makes you think I had a date?” I ask, standing and leaning my hip against the railing.

“Your car wasn’t in the driveway last night when I drove by. I just assumed you were out that late because you were on a date.” He runs his hands through his hair and then stretches to busy his hands. If I would have gone missing, he would be the first person to notice.

“It wasn’t a date, just…business,” I lie. Sort of. The reminder that I paid someone to fuck me makes me frown again. I cover the sudden shift in my demeanor behind a long drink of my coffee. He studies me as if he can hear the words I left unsaid. My little adventure in the woods will remain my secret and mine only until I die. Well…and Shadow’s, whoever he may be.

“If it wasn’t a date, can it be one next weekend? With me? I’ll bring dinner and we can just hang out. Get to know each other.”

Does he really expect me to be okay sitting at home suffering through small talk when I was just hunted and fucked into unconsciousness? That sounds absolutely horrid. I add call a therapist to the notepad in my brain. Maybe a normal, boring date would make me feel less like a disgusting sex buyer. Sex payer? Sex customer? Ugh, they all sound so…gross.

“Maybe,” I reply with hesitation, but his eyes still light up.

He begins his run again before replying over his shoulder, “I’m leaving before you take it back. Have a great day, beautiful.”

I roll my eyes. That man is full of shit. I saw what I looked like in the mirror before I stepped outside. Beautiful disaster is more like it.

With him gone, I go back to enjoying Mother Nature’s reset button in peace for a while longer.

Since today was my day off, I spent my free time weeding my flower beds, mowing the grass, and treating myself to takeout so I didn’t have to cook dinner. By the time evening comes, a hot bath is screaming my name. Every movement I made reminded me of my sins. And then I had to fight the battle that was raging between my brain and my pussy demon.

While the tub is filling up, I go to my room to grab my earbuds off the nightstand. A piece of paper on the floor under my bed catches my attention, and I stoop to grab it. It’s the in-case-I’m-murdered note I scribbled down last night. I wanted this no matter the consequences, so I’ve got to stop being so hard on myself. Past me and present me need to get on the same page. It happened, it was great, and now that memory can be a wet dream in the future.

I shove my earbuds into my ears and grab my phone to turn on my playlist. A missed message from Shadow displays across my screen.

Phantom_Shadow: Meet me tonight. I’ll send you another pin.

I clear my notifications, ignoring the message even though my body is telling me I’m an idiot. Another message appears instantly.

Phantom_Shadow: I can come to you this time.

I turn the water off and hesitate for several moments before I again clear my notifications and delete the app. If the temptation is gone, I won’t give in. Testing the water with my toes first, I step into the tub and adjust the headrest. Before I can lay my phone down, my music is interrupted. Again.

SINS app installed.

What the actual fuck?

Phantom_Shadow: I’ve seen you. Don’t hide from me now.

What is this? Blackmail? Or does he think I’m that desperate I’ll keep him on my daily calendar? I’d go broke.

Hidden_Embers: Get your paycheck somewhere else.

Swiping down, I enable airplane mode and select the playlist saved on my phone. Music plays in my ears, but my mind is replaying last night, and I can’t help but rest my hand between my legs. Something is seriously wrong with me. Emotions are still battling within. Some urging me to do it again, others making me feel dirty, and some are embracing me knowing I needed it.

I sink deeper into the water, seeking the artificial comfort that the warmth of the water offers while “HOT TO GO!” by Chappell Roan blocks out the world. My body wiggles under the water while I hum to the beat. Music has a way of being therapy all on its own.

The smile that was tugging on my lips is washed away in an instant when my head is shoved underwater.

10

Kioni