Page 66 of Meant to be Mine

KENSEY

He drove north on PCH and I immediately knew where he was going. His hand rested easily on the steering wheel. His elbow rested on the console between us. I turned back to the window and watched the coastline pass. I couldn’t wait to see it. I hoped we’d be there long enough to see the sunset.

He turned onto a narrow two-lane road that climbed into the hills. There was no signage and no reason to take it unless you already knew it was there. The pavement was cracked in places. The scrub brush pressed in close on both sides. It was one of those places that only a few locals knew about.

The road curved upward and the view opened on the left side. He pulled into the small flat turnout at the top and cut the engine. I couldn’t wait to see the view. I had missed this place more than I realized. I never actually forgot about it, but it had just fallen into the memory banks and been ignored.

I got out of the car. The air up here was different. The elevation pulled in a breeze that didn’t make it down to the coast. It smelled like dry grass and something faintly floral that I had never been able to identify. I’d asked Drew about it once, years ago, and he’d said it was probably sage.

“Have you been coming up here?” I asked him.

“Nope. Not since the summer you left.”

I liked that. It was our spot only to be enjoyed together.

I stood at the edge of the turnout and looked out over the ocean, feeling sixteen years old. A million memories came flooding back to me. Just standing there again melted away so much stress. Drew came to stand beside me. He reached down and took my hand.

I loved Drew Blackwell. I had loved him since he sat down next to me at a lunch table when I felt so out of place. He made me feel seen and valuable. He made me feel like I was worthy.

This place was where it went from love to in love. From the start, I’d loved him the way you loved a person who was important to you. When our friendship began, it had been companionship. Someone to eat lunch with. We hung out on weekends. I always felt so special he chose to spend his time with me because I knew he could be doing a thousand other things.

But he chose me.

“Let’s sit,” he said. “Unless you’re afraid of getting your butt dirty.”

“My pants are secondhand. I’m not afraid of them getting dirty. Your fancy pants might get ruined.”

He laughed and sat down. “Good thing I work at a clothing store.”

“Of course. Right.”

“Remember we used to come out here and watch the sunset,” he said.

“How could I forget? This was where we made plans for the future.”

I smiled thinking about all the serious conversations we had while staring up at the stars. I couldn’t even begin to count the number of hours we spent at our spot. It had been our little sanctuary from the rest of the world, where the two of us could be ourselves.

We were two kids growing up and trying to figure out the world and life and the future. I remembered when I told him I had finally made the decision to become a teacher. He had seemed happy for me but I realized he was also disappointed because he didn’t know what he wanted. His only plan was to make his own way in the world and not ride his parents’ success.

That wasn’t exactly a life plan.

He shifted, stretching his legs out in front of him, and patted his thigh in that easy, wordless way that meant lie down. Without hesitation, I stretched out on my side in the dry grass and settled my head in his lap, looking out at the water below. The sun was still above the horizon but dropping.

His fingers found my hair almost immediately. Just his hand resting there and then slowly moving through the ends of it like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like we’d done it a thousand times. We hadn’t. But it felt like we had.

I stared out at the ocean and let myself breathe. This was the version of Drew that nobody else got. I knew that with a certainty that had nothing to do with arrogance and everything to do with years of evidence. The public Drew was polished and charming. He could work a room without breaking a sweat. The public Drew was adored by the masses. The professional Drew was focused and demanding in the best way.

But this Drew was completely at peace. He let the mask fall away. I’d known that years ago. I had seen him in school and how he was around the other guys. He protected himself. When it was just the two of us, he smiled more. He laughed. He didn’t care what his hair looked like or if he said something that made him look silly.

I had always known I was his safe person. We talked about it all the time. We joked about being each other’s person. If either of us went to jail, we’d call the other. If we were in the hospital, we’d demand the other get to hold our hand regardless of whether the staff said we could be there.

I closed my eyes and thought about fifteen-year-old Kensey Blake. Eating lunch alone for the first three weeks of school because she hadn’t yet made friends.

And then one humid day in September, Drew Blackwell put his tray down across from her like it was nothing. Like there was nowhere else he’d considered sitting. She’d been so startled she’d knocked over her orange juice and he’d helped her clean it up without making her feel stupid about it.

She would have done backflips if she knew she’d end up here. Little Kensey would have absolutely lost her mind to know one day she’d end up in Drew’s lap with his fingers in her hair.

I smiled thinking about it.