Page 105 of Have To Be Mine

“Of course, you did.” He smiled. “But I like seeing this side of you. I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen your hair down. Maybe that’s why you look so much like her. Those natural curls.”

I reached up and self-consciously ran my hand over the curls. “Of course I leave it down when it’s hotter than hell.”

He chuckled. “It’s beautiful. I’d love to see you wear it like that more often.”

“Maybe,” I murmured.

“Did you buy yourself more than just this dress?”

I crinkled my nose. “Just one other one. I bought some heels. Not real heels, but they are a two-inch block. I would kill myself if I tried to wear actual heels.”

“You’d learn how to walk in them.”

I laughed. “After a few broken bones later. I can’t afford to be on crutches. Hard to run logistics if you can’t walk.”

“I hope you’ll do more,” he said. “Your mother would be so proud of you.”

Would she? I didn’t know if she would be proud of me because I was a coward. I had a feeling she would not approve of the way I treated a good man. I hurt him.

“I fell in love,” I heard myself say.

His eyebrows shot up. “What? When? Who’s the lucky man?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I hadn’t come here with the intention of telling him about Dash. But I felt like we’d crossed into new territory with our relationship. For the first time, I felt like I could try talking to him about this stuff.

“In Greece. With a client.” The words tumbled out before I could stop them. “His name is Dash and he’s everything I’m not. Spontaneous and creative and he makes me feel like I’m not broken. Like maybe there’s a version of me that can be both strong and soft at the same time. He’s way out of my league but he said he was falling in love with me.”

“That’s wonderful, sweetheart.”

“No, it’s not.” I wiped at my eyes, pissed at the water leaking from them. I wasn’t a crier, but since I had met Dash, it was an affliction I couldn’t find a cure for. “Because I left him. I walked away because I was terrified and I didn’t know what else to do. And now I’m here, wearing this stupid dress, trying to be someone I’m not because I thought maybe if I could just figure out how to be the woman he fell in love with, I could be good enough for him.”

“You are good enough for anyone.”

“Dad, this is Dash Blackwell. Do you know who that is?”

He shrugged. Of course he wouldn’t know. My dad’s idea of fashion was whatever was new at the Army/Navy Surplus store.

“Krista, why did you walk away? Because he’s rich? Famous?”

“Because I’m going to ruin it. I don’t know how to be in a relationship. Mom should be here to tell me what to do and she’s not, and I don’t have anyone else to turn to.” The sob that escaped surprised me. “I needed her, Dad. I needed her to tell me how to do this.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” He pulled me into his arms. I let myself cry against his shoulder like I hadn’t done since I was a kid. “I’m so sorry. I should have been better at this. Should have known you needed more than just marching orders and structure.”

“You did your best.”

“My best wasn’t good enough.” He pulled back to look at me. “Your mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. When she died, I knew in my bones that life without her would be empty. And it has been, in a lot of ways. But I had you, and that made it bearable. I relied on you to be strong because I wasn’t sure I could do it. And you just soldiered on.”

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

“If you feel that way about this man and you know in your bones that life without him will be empty, then you can’t let him slip through your fingers just because you’re afraid.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?”

“Because when someone sees you, they can hurt you.” The words came out raw. “And I don’t know if I’m strong enough to risk that. I survived losing Mom but only by the skin of my teeth. There’s no way I can survive another loss like that.”

He was quiet for a long moment. “Loving someone means trusting them enough to risk the pain. Your mother and I knew that. We knew that loving each other meant we could lose each other someday. And we did it anyway because the alternative—never having that love at all—was worse.”