Page 81 of Hate To Be Mine

I thought about the crew who’d warmed up to me after the Safety Bingo game. They all smiled and waved at me. I wouldn’t call them friends, but they weren’t actively trying to ruin my day.

My dad, on the other hand, wanted me isolated. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew what he was doing. It took me a long time and a lot of self-help audiobooks to self-diagnose my issues, but I was pretty sure I figured it out. It was easier to control someone that didn’t have friends. Or family.

Getting a chance to be one of the cool kids had been amazing. Mostly, it was getting to be the woman on Sebastian’s arm. It felt so good to have his attention. I truly felt like I had bloomed. Finally. It only took me twenty-seven years, but I did it.

And my father wanted me to help destroy all of it.

I showered and dressed with little thought about what I was doing. I needed to be more vigilant than ever. Needed to make sure nothing went wrong in the next few days. I couldn’t afford any distractions or allow any slip-ups. I would not give my father anything to use against these people. It felt like it was me standing in front of them and the operation. I would do what I had to in order to protect him—them.

And that meant I needed to stay away from Sebastian. I had to end whatever was happening before it compromised me further. My chest ached at the thought, but I pushed the feeling down. It was the right thing to do. I was easily sacrificed for the good of the project.

But it sucked.

Yesterday had been amazing. I loved hanging out with Sebastian. We had a good time. I knew he had enjoyed himself. You couldn’t fake what we had.

No way.

That had been the real deal.

I realized I was starving. Yesterday had been busy and I thought about sneaking into the food tent after I left Sebastian’s bungalow, but then I thought about Cookie catching me pilfering the goods and I wasn’t entirely sure she wouldn’t chop my hands off.

The food tent was busy when I arrived, crew members loading up on fuel before the big Venus shoot. I grabbed a plate without really looking at what I was putting on it—fruit, toast, some eggs, and there was even bacon. The real stuff. Not the turkey bacon I got stuck with the other day.

I could feel the buzz of excitement all around me. I wasn’t involved in the conversations, but I could feel the energy. I wanted to be a part of all of it. I wanted to be a cool kid.

Then I saw him. Or sensed him. I couldn’t say which came first, but there he was.

Sebastian stood on the other side of the tent, talking with Clarissa and Portia. He was showing them something on his phone, and both models were leaning in close, laughing at whatever he was showing them. Clarissa touched his arm. Portia flipped her perfect hair. They were practically straddling him.

Jealousy stabbed through me, sharp and irrational and completely unwelcome. Had he been with them before? Probably. They were gorgeous and obviously very interested. Why wouldn’t they hook up? Single, beautiful people that traveled to the most gorgeous places in the world together were bound to hook up.

And the green-eyed monster roared to life. I was going to Hulk out any second.

I hated myself for it. Hated that I cared who he talked to. Hated that I wanted him to be over here with me instead of over there with them. It disgusted me that some pathetic part of me wanted to be one of those beautiful women he showed things to on his phone, instead of the uptight insurance rep he’d slept with when no one was looking. Like I was the dirty secret. I had to stay in the shadows.

“You could be a model,” he’d said yesterday. But he was probably just being kind. Making me feel better about looking ridiculous standing out there in the water.

The models were his world. I was just temporary. A vacation from reality. Like trying the mild sauce on your taco instead of the hot stuff you were used to. Just for shits and giggles.

I found a table and sat down, pushing food around my plate without eating. I had been hungry but now I had lost my appetite.

“Morning, darling.” Annika slid into the seat across from me, looking far too cheerful for this early in the morning. “Big day today. The Venus shoot. Very exciting.”

“Mm-hmm.”

She studied me with those knowing eyes. “So. How’s your boy toy?”

“He’s not my toy.” I stopped, took a breath. “There’s nothing going on.”

“Bernadette, I’m a woman that has lived a lot of years and been on more of these little adventures than I can count. I’m very direct. I know you spent the night with him. I won’t say anything. Power to the young people enjoying their youth. So, I ask again, how’s your boy toy?”

“He’s not my anything,” I said with disgust. “It was just… it’s not real. It’s just a fling. Something temporary that doesn’t mean anything.”

Annika didn’t look convinced. “If you say so.”

“I do say so.” I stabbed at a piece of melon. “In a few days, his family arrives. Then we do the runway show. Then we all go home and forget this ever happened.”

“Will you forget?”