Page 47 of Falling for the Grinchy Bad Boy

And it was still happening. I was a mess.

The bourbon wasn’t helping. If anything, it was making everything worse, amplifying the frustration and the want and the nagging voice in my head that was pointing out I was twenty-seven years old and still letting Joy run away from me.

I finished my drink and went inside. I had to work tomorrow. Hopefully, it would be a slow day, and my head would not have to endure the loud sirens. I stripped and fell into bed. It took all of two seconds to pass out.

Unfortunately, the morning brought a hangover and Katrina. My sister loved to torture me. It was a twin thing. My only hope was that some of that twin telepathy was making her feel just as bad as I did.

“You look like hell,” she announced cheerfully, walking into the fire station kitchen where I was attempting to drink enough coffee to rejoin the human race. I was drinking it straight black. Not my usual way. I needed every ounce of caffeine to hit me. No diluting it with cream and sugar.

“Good morning to you too,” I muttered, not looking up from my cup.

“Rough night?” she asked, settling into the chair across from me with her own coffee and what appeared to be homemade muffins. “You seemed a little intense when you left the square last night.”

I shot her a warning look. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what? I’m just making conversation with my big brother who looked like he’d seen a ghost when I said goodbye to him last night.”

“I’m fine. Just tired.”

“Tired,” she repeated skeptically. “Right. And I’m sure it has nothing to do with the bottle of bourbon I can smell on you from here.”

Damn it. I thought I’d showered off the worst of it. “Leave me alone.”

“That’s what you get for getting hammered on a work night. I’m going to buzz the tones extra loud today. You know better. You better hope Chief doesn’t pick up on your hangover status. He will kick your ass.”

“Don’t lecture me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she said, but her grin suggested otherwise. “Though I have to say, this is quite a change from your usual ‘one beer and I’m done’ routine.”

I didn’t answer, focusing instead on drinking enough caffeine to stop my head from pounding. The truth was, I hadn’t tied one on like that in months. Not since the early days after Lynn, when bourbon had seemed like the only thing that could quiet the noise in my head.

“It’s all the Christmas stuff,” I said finally, because I needed some explanation that didn’t involve discussing Joy’s kiss with my sister. “You know how it gets to me.”

Anyone that saw that kiss would have seen it as typical friends. Nothing sexual. She planted her lips on mine and then was done. No tongue. No groping. Not even an exchange of saliva.

Chaste.

Friendly.

Maybe a little European.

Katrina’s expression softened slightly. “I know. And I keep telling you that you need to get over it, but⁠—”

“Yeah, well, clearly it’s not that simple.”

“No,” she agreed quietly. “I guess it isn’t.” She was quiet for a moment, picking at her muffin. “Probably doesn’t help that Joy is back.”

I looked up sharply, wondering if she’d seen something last night, if she knew about the kiss. “Why? What does that mean?”

But Katrina was looking past me, lost in some memory. “I was just thinking about the old group, you know? Me, you, Joy, Lynn. How close we all used to be before everything got complicated.”

Hearing my ex’s name made something twist uncomfortably in my stomach. I wished I never would have looked Lynn’s way. I knew she had a crush on me for years before I finally noticed her the fall after Joy left for college.

“You got together with Lynn right after Joy took off for school,” Katrina continued, apparently following a similar train of thought. “And we all thought it was great at first.”

I remembered. Lynn had been there that night at the lake, had probably seen me disappear into the trees with Joy. She’d been the one to comfort me when Joy had acted like nothing had happened, the one who listened when I needed to talk. It had been easy to fall into something with her, safe and uncomplicated after the confusion Joy had left behind.

For a while, anyway.

“Yeah, well, we all saw how that turned out,” I said, the words tasting bitter.

“That’s my point,” Katrina said, leaning forward. “That’s why you don’t date within the friend group. When things go wrong, you don’t just lose a girlfriend or boyfriend—you break up the whole group. Everyone loses, not just the couple who splits up.”

The reminder hit like a punch to the gut. She was right, of course. Katrina was loyal to me. She lost a good friend because Lynn and I fell apart. Well, that wasn’t technically how all of that went down and I still believed Lynn was a selfish monster who didn’t care about anyone but herself. I was personally very glad Katrina wasn’t friends with her. Lynn wasn’t good enough to breathe the same air as my sister.

“You’re right,” I said quietly.

Katrina looked surprised by my easy agreement. “I mean, I’m not saying⁠—”

“No, you are saying. And you’re right.” I stood up, suddenly needing to be anywhere but in this conversation.

I left the kitchen and headed to the bunkroom to try and take a nap. Eventually, someone would find me and drag me out to clean something, but for now, I needed a minute.

Katrina was right. Some patterns weren’t worth repeating, no matter how much you wanted to. Joy and I were never going to happen, and it was for the best.