Page 59 of My All American Girl

We landed at the base in Washington and were herded off to our accommodations. The place was buzzing with energy. Groups from other bases were milling around, exchanging stories and sizing each other up. We were all here for the same reason—to prove ourselves.

I recognized a few faces from the academy. We quickly caught up with one another, talking about where we were stationed and how things were going for us. I had to admit, I felt pretty damn lucky I got to learn from the notorious Ryker. They were all jealous.

If they only knew.

We talked about some of our apprehensions about the training that started tomorrow. I felt like I needed to be the leader. I couldn’t explain why, but they were all looking to me. Maybe because of who my father was or maybe because I had been a bit of a badass over the last few years. “If we can get through this, we can get through anything,” I said. “Honestly, you won’t have to be afraid of anything if you get through this.”

Most of them nodded, though some still held on to their fears. Despite the daunting challenge ahead, I felt a strange sort of calm develop within me. Maybe what Ryker said had sunk in. I was stronger than I thought. If I could make Ryker tremble at my touch, I could do anything.

A large group showed up with a cooler full of beers. They wanted to shake off the nerves with a little liquid courage. I thought that was one of the dumber ideas, but I could handle a drink or two. I wanted my friends to relax. We all needed to get a good night’s sleep. If they were stressed out, they weren’t going to sleep.

Someone suggested beer pong. I joined in, eager for the distraction. The game was a blur of laughter and cheers. I dominated, as usual, my competitive spirit pushing me to win. But beneath the surface, my nerves were simmering. It was all starting to become very real.

By the end of the night, I was buzzed and needed to clear my head. I slipped away from the crowd and stepped out onto the balcony. The city lights spread out before me, twinkling like stars. I felt like I was standing on the edge of something huge, something life changing. The last time I felt this way was the night before my first day at the United States Air Force Academy. I was a different person then, greener, less sure of myself. But even now, with all my training and experience, the uncertainty was getting to me.

I was scared.

What if I couldn’t hack the survival training? What if I washed out? I’d heard countless stories of aspiring pilots who couldn’t make it and ended up in desk jobs or worse, leaving the Air Force altogether. What would my father think? The thought of disappointing him made my stomach churn. He was convinced I walked on water.

I swallowed hard, trying to push the doubts away. Would I still be the daughter he adored if I failed? Would I lose his favor? Would I tarnish our family name? The fear of everyone talking about how I couldn’t hack it was almost too much to bear.

I did not want to disappoint my father. In my eyes, that was a fate worse than death. I didn’t know how to exist if my father wasn’t proud of me. Our whole connection was formed on the idea of me being a star in the Air Force and making him proud.

Just then, Kylee stepped out onto the balcony. “I’ve been looking for you. Are you okay?”

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. “I just want to get through this part.”

Kylee leaned on the railing beside me. She didn’t say anything, just stared out at the city lights with me. It was a silent acknowledgment of our shared fears and hopes.

After a few minutes, she finally spoke. “You know, it’s okay to be scared. It means you care about this.”

I glanced at her, surprised. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s so much pressure.”

Kylee nodded. “I feel it too. But we’re not alone in this. We have each other, and we have our training. We can do this.”

“My dad knows I’m going to get through this,” I said. “Like he hasn’t considered any other option. I want to buy into that as well, but I keep thinking about what happens if I don’t actually pull this off. I don’t know what my father will do.”

She looked thoughtfully at me before answering. “Your father will be proud of you no matter what. You are his daughter, and that will never change.”

“But will he still see me as a winner? As a fighter?” I asked, my voice wavering.

“Your dad sees toughness in you because it’s there, not just because you’re in the Air Force,” she said gently. “It’s there in you all the time, even when you can’t see it yourself. I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Your dad is always going to love you. Your relationship might be a little different, but it’s not like he is going to stop loving you. You’ve proven how tough you are just by getting to this stage of the game.”

“Thanks, Kylee. I needed that.”

She smiled. “Anytime. We’ve got this, Sarah. One step at a time.”

I sighed. “We should probably get to bed.”

We stood there for a while longer, soaking in the quiet and the cool night air. It was a moment of calm before the storm. We said our goodbyes and retired to the room we were sharing. I lay in bed that night, staring at the ceiling. The nerves were still there, but they were tempered by a sense of determination. This was just another challenge, another obstacle to overcome. I thought about my father, about all the stories he used to tell me about his own training, the pride in his voice when he talked about his time in the Air Force.

I wanted to make him proud. But more than that, I wanted to prove to myself that I could do this. That I was strong enough, capable enough. I’d come this far, and I wasn’t about to let fear stop me now.